Friday, December 12, 2008

Coachapalooza: beat 'em purple, Gary Patterson NEVERMIND

All right, so, after saying earlier today that Patterson was the front-runner and getting part of the way through the requisite Coachapalooza post, I decide to break long enough to check out what they're saying on the Auburn Interwebs. That includes Andy Bitter's place, which directs me to this blog post by Chris Low, which says the following:
It's getting to the point with the Auburn coach search that it's easier to list the names of those coaches who haven't interviewed or been connected to the search in some form or fashion than it is to list the names of those who actually have interviewed, been contacted or linked to the search.

A few coaches who've gone through that process are now starting to wonder privately who's making the call.

TCU's Gary Patterson is no longer interested after interviewing on Thursday. Auburn is supposed to talk to Wake Forest's Jim Grobe on Friday, and there are also rumblings that Georgia Tech's Paul Johnson and East Carolina's Skip Holtz could be targets.
Another ones bites the dust, as they say, and the post I'd started putting together on Patterson ... well, just imagine that record-skipping noise or loud air brake sound effect, basically, right after I typed "Pros."

But just so it doesn't go completely to waste, though you can read what I'd gathered so far below. What I had gathered was: funny pictures of TCU mascots and a completely, hilariously incorrect take on Patterson's willingness to leave Fort Worth. Enjoy?

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When we start thinking about TCU's Gary Patterson as Auburn's head coach, the first thing we ... SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?



AHHHHH! RUN! RUN AWAY! THE MONSTER'S RIGHT BEHIND US! Oh, wait, nevermind. Whew. That's just Superfrog. Still ... holy hell. When little kids come to watch TCU play, are they warned they're about to be scarred for life? Let's move on. That thing gives me the creeps*. We're supposed to be talking about Gary Patterson, who looks like this (and as Hobbes has pointed out, also like this):



First, could we get him? He's currently coaching at TCU and we have no other rivals--even Syracuse--for his services. Unless he's just really, really rubbed the wrong way by the idea of working for Fail Jacobs and the Powers that Be, or has an even stronger affinity for TCU and the Fort Worth area than we'd think, I have to think he'd be ours if we asked. I know I've said that about every damn person save Johnson I've profiled in these things ... but I mean it this time. At least, I think I do.

Pros:

*Seriously, dude, if you think that pic is creepy, you should check out the photos here. A sampling:





Seriously, you'll skip this one if you're going to sleep any time in the next 10 hours or so:



Because a giant humanoid horned frog with two eyes wasn't terrifying enough, I guess.

7 comments:

Alex P in Smyrna G said...

Jacobs is a butt plug.

As disfunctional as bama's coaching search was a few years ago, I don't recall many (if any) confirmed interviews. They pretty much kept it quiet (officially that is) and all we got were rumors of turn-downs until the "arrival".

Jacobs is truly lost and conducting an amatuer search. I am sure it isn't unusual to interview a bunch of candidates, but to make them all this public is.

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL!!!!!

SEC Homer said...

Should we go after RichRod... Seriously I think he's ready to leave UM and UM wouldn't mind if he left. He's a proven winner, moreso than any other coach mentioned in the AU search with the possible exceptions of Leach, Johnson, and Kelly. No, I am not drunk. I just want the best, most proven coach for AU.

Anonymous said...

RichRod? Not my cup of tea, but please, Auburn, just make the pain stop. Drive a dump truck of money up to Paul Johnson's door, then once he inevitably rejects us, if Turner Gill still wants to have anything to do with us, just make it happen. I really can't take a month of this. I like Gill, I wasn't too hot on the idea of a MAC upstart with no Southern ties and a career losing record, but now I just want it done with.

crimson daddy said...

Superfrog? Can't believe they would bypass a great name like Froghorn Leghorn.

Seriously, as an Alabama fan I am far too familiar with coaching searches. It matters not how ugly the search is, just the outcome.

But man, it's not looking too good at the moment.

Jerry Hinnen said...

SEC Homer, as someone who lives in Ann Arbor and is surrounded by Michigan fans on all sides, I can tell you RichRod isn't going anywhere. The administration is completely behind him, he's got a good class coming in with the sort of QB's he needs, UM's the much better long-term job, and a guy who'd reject Alabama to stay at WVU tells me he's not really the sort who wants to hop from job to job. He's a great coach, but it's a non-starter.

Auburn fans: hold strong. With Gill bypassed at Syracuse, he's the worst we'll do, and he's not so bad. It'll be OK.

CD: Froghorn Leghorn, lulz.

SEC Homer said...

U live in Ann Arbor? I bet U are the ONLY AU fan in Ann Arbor. Anyway, I was just trying to think outside the box a bit with RichRod. Like you, I am hoping for Paul Johnson. I have always admired the triple option, and with AU's history of running backs and offensive linemen, AU would eventually have THE BEST running game in the conference, if not the nation.

Sam. said...

"or has an even stronger affinity for TCU and the Fort Worth area than we'd think"

Fortunately for us, he does.

I saw some obnoxious and ignorant comments from a lot of Auburn fans about TCU football on Thursday. I'm happy GP made the right choice. Sorry to kick a man when he's down, but AU is a bad job right now. Who would want to share a state with Saban to work for JJ/Lowder?