The Works, BFFs 4EVR-style

"Yes, it's going to be so much fun having everyone bring up Jetgate immediately following the most embarrassing loss since the Jetgate season ... I mean, 2003."

OMGheadlineeditorsLOLZ. The headline for Charles Goldberg's obligatory "Tubby and Petrino aren't going to try to beat each other's brains in this weekend! No, really!" story this morning: Tuberville, Petrino past Jetgate and say they have no ill feelings toward each other. Of course, that's not precisely what they say:

"Business is business," Tuberville said Monday.

Both coaches have been asked about their face-to-face meeting in press conferences this week.

Tuberville cut short a Petrino question Sunday with a "don't even try" to go there comment. Petrino ducked the issue Monday.

"That's such a long time ago and something we've all put behind us," Petrino said.

Riiiight. Wait, that wasn't nearly enough i's to connote the proper amount of sarcasm this requires: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. That's why Goldberg pads out the rest of the story with a Jetgate rehash rather than more quotes that might actually indicate that fences are mended.

Ah, irony. Remember when Tony Franklin was going around granting interviews to any Tom, Dick, or Harry with a tape recorder and calling out Nick Saban as a Communist coachbot for not letting his coordinators speak to the media? Yeah, about that:

Auburn head coach Tommy Tuberville turned down all media requests for assistant coaches on Saturday and Sunday, a drastic departure from the open policies he has supported for most of his 10-year tenure on the Plains.

Tuberville said he wanted to allow Franklin to concentrate on his coaching duties.

Heh. When asked why, Tubby basically said "Screw you." I'm fine with this--we "Internet talk" types have had enough fun with Franklin's mad rush to apologize. In stories the Auburn beat writers did get to write, however, we find that half the team is injured, which is handy at a time like this; Ryan Pugh says "You can't just come out and throw your game plan away in the second half. I just feel like that's what hap­pened," which is just insubordinate enough that it'd bother me if I feel like a little insubordination is expected at this point; Tubby claims everyone's still settled in their same offensive roles and that Franklin's in charge of the offense, adding that I am, in fact, the Queen of Sheba; Rod Smith's a funny guy; and the defense seems to be standing behind the offense, probably just out of fear Ziemba will rip their heads off if they don't.

Oh, speaking of humor ... Pat Dye on Georgia:

``They can score more points by accident that we can score on purpose."

It is, as the saying goes, funny 'cause it's true. Dye's not the only old coaching fart commenting on the state of college football in Alabama these days: Jerry Tarkanian i.e. Tark the Shark i.e. that Towel-Eating Guy showed up long enough to talk some Iron Bowl and have another potshot at the NCAA for old times' sake.

Uh-Oh. Andy Bitter on Wes Byrum:

Place-kicker Wes Byrum is just not right. The missed extra point was obvious. But according to a couple reporters on the beat who made it down to the sidelines in the final minutes (I did not make it immediately because of deadline), Byrum had troubles keeping kicks in the net while warming up. And that’s only, what, five or six feet in front of him?

Uh ... what? He couldn't kick the ball into his practice net? When it rains at Auburn, ladies and gents, it freaking pours. UPDATE: An anonymous commenter below takes issue with Bitter's portrayal of events: "I was on the damn sidelines working the game and Wes was more than capable of kicking it into the net. He never missed it. Just throwing that out there because i was there firsthand." So, uh, that's good news?

And the award for "Most Awesomely Overwrought Post Title in Response to Auburn's Metldown in Nashville" goes to ... AMAwareagle for "Tony Franklin=DEATH"! Congrautlations. (While you're over at Track'Em, you should probably check out Jay's "Crossroads" take as well. Other worthwhile reads from the blAUgosphere are, as expected, at Grotus and the Auburner.)

Aaaaand finally, some funny stuff: Arian Foster decides the way to pick Tennessee up off the mat is to start following the ideals of his lifelong hero, Andy Kaufman; Glen Coffee stars in "The Crimson Mile" at Tide Druid; and via the world's best soccer blogger, Dan Loney, comes something a downtrodden fan base like Auburn's could really use ... THE RALLY JUNKIE!