Knee-jerk: Mr. Brightside

Kodi Burns escapes the evil Auburn players from the Mirror Universe. No jokes about Mirror Universe Auburn being 8-2, please.

If a time-traveler from the distant future appeared in front of me at the start of this season and said, "Hello, Mr. Hinnen. I am a time-traveler from the distant future. You will live to be 117 years old before you die by rhino trampling on a visit to Baltimore. I'm curious: is it your belief that in those 117 years, you will ever see that Auburn is tied midway through the third quarter with a Smythe Division team ...

"Smythe Division?" I say. "Do you mean I-AA, FCS, whatever?"

"Oh, yes," the traveler says. "Sorry, the various divisions of college football will eventually be renamed for the old '80s NHL divisions as a method of appeasement for our new Canuck overlords after the Royal Canadian Mounted Invasion of 2047. Back to my question: do you believe the day will ever come when Auburn is tied midway through the third quarter with a I-AA team and that by the end of the game, you would be happy with Auburn's performance?"

"Tied midway through the third quarter? Unless it was one of those really good, Appalachian St., New Hampshire-type teams and it was a rebuilding season for a new coach, no I can't say that I would. There can't be any kind of excusing Auburn for remaining tied with a I-AA cuppitycake that deep into the game. It's not going to happen," I would say.

"Thank you," the traveler would say. "By the way, if you look directly behind you right now, you'll see Vice-President Dick Cheney riding the unicycle that would eventually claim his daughter's life."

"What?" I would say, turning, as the traveler said "Kidding!" and vanished with a pop.

The point is this: much to the surprise of Jerry circa August 2008, I'm not that upset after Auburn found themselves knotted up at 20 against Tennessee-Martin Saturday before scoring the game's final 17 points on 89 yards' worth of Kodi Burns touchdown run. I might even be sort of ... satisfied?

Admittedly, this may be because I "watched" this game via the technological marvel that is the CSTV Gametracker, meaning that while most Auburn fans had their retinas seared by things like Brad Lester fumbling in Auburn territory to set up the tying touchdown or Burns starting the game 0-4, I was watching tiny Flash-animated cones representing Lester and Burns and a tiny bouncing cartoon football. The Auburn flailing that led to 20-20 was pronounced by no less an authority than the Mrs. JCCW as "cute" when presented via Gametracker. This may have altered my perceptions in a fashion no amount of box score-poring or vein-of-anger tapping can repair.

Also, no, a 37-20 win over Tennessee-Martin in no way met my hopes and/or pregame expectations for this game. "Satisfied" isn't related to those. My hopes and/or pregame expectations were that Auburn would give us some sort of reassurance they would compete--or, what the hell, pull off the miracle--against Georgia and Alabama. I was, as Rod Stewart would say, looking to find a reason to believe. When your team is tied with Tennessee-Martin 20-20 in the third quarter and would be trailing if not for three different Skyhawk drives into Auburn territory combining for zero points, you have not found them.

But here's the thing: when Martin scored to tie the game at 20, Auburn was staring directly into the abyss. The final, pack-it-in, "Who's gonna coach us next year?" black abyss. They were at the edge. They could look inside and even, if they squinted, see Tennessee plummeting out of sight. Teams that come that close usually manage to regain their balance and back away from the edge. But sometimes they don't.

Auburn did. Say that for them. They didn't even waste any time going about their backing-away-from-the-edge business: the drive following 20-20 went 60 yards in 7 plays for 7 points and and took just 2:59. I could have done without the SkyHawk drive to the Auburn 34 on the following possession, but after taking their peek into the bottomless depths, Auburn decided that was close enough and played accordingly. Touchdown, field goal, touchdown, 37-20, victory, Tubby safe for another week at least, thank goodness thank goodness thank goodness. They could have slipped. They did not.

How much is that worth? Not a lot. But this season, I will take it. Relief should not be confused with celebration. But there has been such little relief. It remains unlikely there will be any more. So yes, this season, this week, I will take this win and hold it and let it warm my shivering hands.

Assorted thoughts from the box score

--Wes Byrum, good from 48, 44, and 24, miss from 46. It's a start. Maybe he will come back to us after all.

--Hope has a name, and that name is Tristan Davis. By the by, I am going to open up Gametracker for the beginning of both Auburn's final two games. I have done it twice this season: once when Game Plan didn't show the start of the Arkansas game, and Saturday. Both times Davis returned Auburn's first kickoff for a touchdown. If you think I am beyond calling upon such ridiculous coincidences for help against the likes of Georgia and Alabama ... wait, scratch that. I don't think any of the JCCW's readers would think that, actually.

--I know that so many various limbs across the defense have been bent in unhelpful ways this season, it seems unfair to gripe about the defense bending yet some more against Martin when they broke so rarely: the bottom line is that the defense gave up 13 points and one of those was after a short field provided by Lester's fumble. However, note that Martin finished the game with a fumble inside the Auburn 15, two interceptions on Auburn's goalline, and a turnover-on-downs at the Auburn 10. Four possessions inside the red zone, zero points. This game could have gone very, very differently and however you would like to slice it, giving up 5.3 yards a play to a I-AA team does not bode well for what Auburn will give up this weekend.

--It's been my opinion that Burns just wasn't been as aggressive running the ball as he could have been against WVU and Ole Miss. He slid early rather than gutting out a yard or two, picked his way through blockers when he could be more direct, etc. I'm guessing that this was not an issue against UTM. I'm guessing this is what Auburn will have to hang its hat on against Georgia and the Tide: other than the threat of Burns making chicken salad out of the chicken feathers of protection breakdowns and waggles, what are opponents of these cailber really going to fear about Auburn's offense? Burns will have to be as aggressive on the ground as he can possibly be. Saturday was a good sign in that department. (At least, I'm assuming it was. 158 yards suggests so.)

--Between some nice gains on the ground and a competent (if not explosive) passing attack, the offense actually finished with the better day than the defense. Consider: only one punt. I don;t care whose defense they were facing: this offense finishing the day with a single punt is some kind of accomplishment.

--Dear Auburn coaches: please do not give Eric Smith the ball any more this season when Auburn is trying to run the clock out on a victory. Thank you. (Not that this will very, very likely be an easy request to comply with.)