Thursday, November 08, 2007

Google Image says Tubby's not going anywhere

Obviously we're at the stage now where sticking our fingers in our ears and going "CAN'T HEAR YOU AGGIES, CAN'T HEAR YOU, LA LA LA LA" isn't going to change the fact that Texas A&M has the hots for our coach the way Lorraine Banes had it for "Calvin Klein." (Weirdest not-so-subtle incest subplot in a mainstream blockbuster ever: Leia making out with Luke or Banes making out with their future son? I can't decide. Discuss.) Once it gets to the point that the Aggies are whispering to all their BFFs they've got a lock of Tubby's hair over there, on their hope chest, it's time to take it seriously as an issue.

But you'll be able to knock me over with a feather made of spiderweb if Tubby actually bolts. Why? Have you forgotten about the 9,000 square-foot house?!? We're talking 9,000 f'ing square feet!

9,000 square feet!

9,000 square feet!

9,000 square feet!

9,000 square feet!

9,000 square feet!

All right, so that last one has nothing to do with Tubby's house, but it popped up in the image search and was too good not to include. The point is that it would be great, sure, if Tubby said "You know what, I'm not going to bluff or toy with anyone, I don't want the fans to worry, so I promise you: I'm not going to A&M or LSU or anywhere" rather than angling for another wheelbarrow-ful of cash to toss on top of the pile in the new basement ... but I'd also like scantily-clas fairies to fly in my windows bearing cupcakes, gumdrops, bulging bags of money, and perfectly seasoned and grilled filets. In the real world, ain't neither one happening.

So we'll just have to deal with Tubby saying "I'm not talking about it" and "Let's just shift the focus onto something else, shall we?" and other issuing various other non-denials until Jacobs can break out the checkbook and make everyone happy again. It won't be fun or easy, exactly, but it's what's going to happen, because, hey, we're talking 9,000 reasons Tubby's got to stay put.

p.s. Not surprisingly, Auburn fans are bucking the "Fire Coach X" trend with a new brand of website, the "Hey, we like out guy and think he deserves to become even more filthy rich" site or the "Seriously, we don't want to have to hire Petrino all over again, OMH so awkward" site. Given that this is the same coach who lost back-to-back home games to unranked (currently) teams earlier this season, the dedication o nthe part of Auburn fans is admirable, I would say.

p.s.s. Georgia-related content on its way most likely sometime late this evening.


J.M. said...

I really don't think I can take, what, two more months of this? My stomach is hurty. I just want to enjoy these Georgia-Bama weeks!

The last 9,000 square feet photo made me spit beer. Awesome.

Jerry Hinnen said...

Yeah, it's not going to be a barrel of laughs. But I really, really think Tubby's just angling for a raise. I'm a lot more worried about the Amen Corner than whether Tubby stays or goes.

And those guys had to go in the blog. Glad someone enjoyed them.

Rod said...

I have to think the B2tF incest subplot is more disturbing because it his mom. Brother-sister action just isn't as blech as mother-son. Even if they are the same age due to time travel.