And speaking of the pros, I'm happy to report that 1. Jason Campbell is starting to make his mark the way we all knew he would eventually 2. the Falcons have once again signed up a 47-year-old crazy Danish guy to kick field goals for them. Not an exaggeration: I cannot remember a moment in my life as a sports fan when Morten Andersen wasn't kicking in the NFL.
Anyways, this week's ...
1. LSU. Can't we just skip to the LSU-Florida game now?
2. Florida. Can't we just skip to the LSU-Florida game now? Please? (Also: 13 points allowed to Ainge and Cutcliffe. With nine new starters. Ye gods.)
3. South Carolina. So Mitchell sleepwalked and threw some pics vs. a team that was 267 percent more fired up than your average I-AA puff pastry. He came through against UGA on the road, surprising as that may be, and that carries a bit more weight.
4. Alabama. Watching Cox dissolve like the villain in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" before our very eyes makes J.P. Wilson's raging proficiency all the more, um, unstomachable.
5. Arkansas. Where's Chris Houston when you need him? Or someone to point out "You know, given that the Tide have no timeouts and our quarterback is still Casey Dick and no Marcus Monk, maybe we shouldn't throw on third down here?"
6. Kentucky. How the hell did the best, most accurate arm in the country wind up here?
7. Georgia. I'll haveto check my Guiness, but has any formerly impressive opening-season W ever lost value quicker than the Okie St. beating?
8. Tennessee. Even now, not as bad as it seems for UT. Both losses came on the road to top 10 teams with ridiculous offenses. 59-20 is still 59-20, though.
9. Vanderbilt. Dominated Ole Miss the way they should have, and actually managed to turn it into a W (unlike in 2006).
10. Miss. St. Sigh.
11. Auburn. Seven turnovers in a three-quarter span, if you were keeping track at home. Five defensive starters out. And like that object in the rearview, New Mexico St. is closer to Auburn's quality than they appear. Things could, amazingly, still get worse before they get better.
12. Ole Miss. At least our coach speaks recognizable English, though.