Calm (look back) before the storm

Before this loaded Saturday (or as I like to think of it, The Pinnacle of Human Evolution), let's quickly look at last Saturday:

Auburn

Living in Michigan and needing to buy groceries instead of ESPN Gameplan means no game recap this week. But there’s plenty to be gleaned from the box score of Auburn’s latest demolition of the Condemned House that Sherrill Built:

--Yes, we can see now that, as predicted by so many national media-types in the pre-season, the departure of living legends Ben Obamanu and Cooper Wallace has left Auburn’s receiving corps truly decimated. Saturday, Brandon Cox was only able to complete passes to 10 different receivers. And where is the go-to player? Courtney Taylor’s 9 receptions for 103 yards only show how far he has to go to fill the shoes of the great Anthony Mix.

(My point? If you expected this to be a problem for Auburn this season, you weren’t being very bright.)

--Remember back when scouting reports on Auburn read something like “Well, the offense is unstoppable and the defense eats nail for breakfast, but the kicking game is a soul-sucking black hole from which not one atom of hope can escape”? After Vaughnbot 3000’s 55-yarder, Kody Bliss’s four punts for an average of 47.5 yards a kick, and Matt Clark’s six touchbacks in seven tries, I feel like those days are behind us for good. Provided, of course, we don’t face any opponents against whom one of our kickers might have some sort of jagged psychological trauma from last season to deal with. Now, who does Auburn play this week, again?

--So that Irons4Heisman business didn’t last long, I guess. Still, I think Auburn has much worse problems than a semi-injured guy gutting out 21 carries against a superbly talented D keyed to stop him. And he still got 69 yards—it’s not like we’re talking Ken Darby vs. Hawaii numbers here.

--Croom may just want to install the option at this point. That Tray Rutland attempted 25 passes and earned just 82 passing yards is bad enough, but when you factor in Auburn’s four sacks, it works out to 29 called pass plays for an average net gain of 1.8 yards … and, oh yeah, all three turnovers. Ye gods.

--Anyone who think Auburn would be better off having Cox out hurt than Irons is a complete idiot (or, possibly, a usually sharp national columnist who isn’t reading his own commentary), but at least Blake Field’s 4-for-4 day means a Cox injury might not be the de facto end of AU’s season. Might not, I said.

--The showdown with the Cajun Kittens is still two days away, and you can already hear the melodious hair-raising sounds of LSU fans booing their coach and making excuses! The JCCW will preview the biggest game of the season tomorrow, cross my heart.

SEC

--That “South Carolina will compete for the SEC East” bandwagon sure got empty in a hurry, didn’t it?
--Let me sum up the thinking Auburn fan’s reaction to the news that a) LSU’s whooping of their Pac-10 cannon fodder was essentially no different from Auburn’s whooping of their Pac-10 cannon fodder b) Alabama has a kicker named Tiffin hitting game-winning kicks from distance: Sh*t … on …toast.
--That said, you have to also say 2006 looks more and more like a three-game season (all three of them at home) for Auburn at this point.
--And the SEC’s non-conference momentum train has stopped … now.
--The battle for “Most Completely Overhyped SEC Freshman Quarterback” is now well underway. After those three picks, Stafford has the early edge, but you’ve got to give credit to Mustain for only beating Utah St. 20-0.
--So apparently, the kicker for Kentucky's opponent in their win Saturday didn't actually look like this:



And there I was desperately trying to get the game on PPV like a sucker.

Elsewhere…

--Think there’s any truth to the rumor that Mack Brown offered McConaghey to the Redskins straight up for Cruise and a Breakfast Club cast member to be named later?
--All right, can we all please stop whining about the new clock rules now, everyone? Yes, they went too far, yes, they make it tough to come back, yes, the committee should do something different next year. We’re all in agreement. But it’s not changing this year. And it’s not like they decided teams only get three downs to make a first or that field goals now have to be headed through the uprights soccer-style. The game these teams are playing is still football. Any team that loses has not lost because of the clock rules—they lost because their opponent played the game of football better than they did in the allotted time.
-- Got to say that EDSBS has hit the Chad Henne nail on the head.

Picks

Want to get these out of the way so I can focus on actual previewing later. Also, seems that other bloggers are picking … well, maybe not bushels of games, but more than three. So we’ll pick five college games. Coming off of a 2-1 college, 4-2 overall week (5-4 on season), why not.

LOUISVILLE (-4) over Miami: Coker’s record as an underdog scares me. But there’s no way, playing at home, Petrino and Brohm let an opportunity like this one get away.

TCU (+2) over Texas Tech: If Tech can’t beat UTEP in regulation, how’s it going to fare at a TCU team that’s sprung this kind of upset before on the road?

Nebraska (+18) over USC: I must be crazy. But I watched the Huskers crush a decent La. Tech team and thought they looked better than I’ve seen in years and years—and 18 is an awful lot of points.

PITT (-3) over Michigan St.: While Pitt was blasting Virginia at home and soundly defeating a decent Cincy team on the road, the Spartans were struggling to beat Idaho (56-10 losers to Wazzu a week later) and MAC cellar-dweller Eastern Michigan at home.

N.C. State (+3) over Southern Miss.: See, here’s the thing: Southern Miss isn’t nearly as good as they used to be. And the Wolf Pack are going to be mad, mad, mad. This game looks like such an easy call (mid-major + vulnerable BCS team = “upset”) I think it’s going the other way.

NFL: Ravens (-13) over Raiders, Broncos (-11) over Chiefs, Packers (+3) over Saints.

Week 1 thoughts / Week 2 picks

Why are most of my college football posts coming out just before gametime on Saturdays? Because that’s how The Man wants it! Please redirect all calls and complaints to The Man. Thanks.

My thoughts on Week 1 of the college season and my picks for this week:

Auburn

--This is Tubby on the successful fake punt following the Wazzu win: “The Mississippi gambler is back … it went perfect … that won’t be the last one.” All right, Tubby, how many things are wrong with this little interview? 1) Please, don’t refer to yourself with a nickname someone else has given you. It’s just not dignified. 2) From the sound of it, you really do need to make sure you give your arm a good stretching before you pat yourself on the back with that kind of intensity. I swear, you could pull something. 3) If you really are planning on running more fake punts this season, wouldn’t it have made a lot more sense to say “No, I’m not planning on running those any more, too risky, thanks for asking” than saying “Why sure we’re going to try to trick people some more. It’s only matter of time, bro!” You know that the whole goal of the fake is to catch them by surprise, right Tubbs? Sheesh. 4) Do remember, Tubby, that as well as the fake punt worked, it didn’t turn the momentum of the game. Your team missed a FG on that possession and the Cougs left the field celebrating like maniacs.

--I’m usually not one to go the hyperactive student route of whining and complaining about national media ignoring Auburn—on the contrary, I prefer it when Auburn earns as little buzz as possible—but what’s with Steve Slaton being shown so much more Heisman love than Kenny Irons? Sure Slaton had a tremendous year last year, but leading the SEC in rushing after playing only 9 games isn’t noteworthy? And as for Week 1, only an idiot would say Slaton’s 215 yards on 34 touches (one reception) vs. Marshall was more impressive than Irons’s 223 total yards on 23 touches vs. Washington St. I suspect if both these guys continue to play like this it’ll work itself out over the course of the season, but it just seems a little strange at the moment.

--Speaking of national media reaction, thanks to Tennessee’s bludgeoning of Cal and Notre Dame’s “shocking” (if by “shocking” one means “completely predictable”) almost-choke at Georgia Tech and Ohio St. looking like world-beaters, no one even seemed to notice the nation’s No. 4/No. 6 team crushed a solid Pac-10 team. Hooray! Maybe we’ll have a chance at LSU yet.

SEC

--There are two ways to look at the Tennessee victory: a) They broke a couple of big plays, picked on that one corner who was so in over his head he’d already drowned, and basically looked better than they are b) DAMN. Me? I’m in the latter camp. Tennessee had the talent to play like that last year; it just fell apart thanks to the QB controversy, poor coaching, and eventually lack of confidence. Well there’s no more Rick Clausen now, Cutcliffe isn’t a savior but he’s an improvement at OC no question, and I think the lack of confidence issue is no longer an issue. Until I see Florida put some kind of running game together—honestly, what has Meyer done to DeShawn Wynn?--the Vols are the SEC East favorites.

--Hawaii gave ‘Bama a taste of what Kenneth Darby is going to face all season long: approximately 14 guys in the box and all the space to throw in John Parker Wilson could want. Their season is going to hinge on how well Wilson can take advantage of that space. Simple as that.

--Vandy is back to their bad ol’ Woody Widenhofer days: solid D anchored by an outstanding, NFL-quality linebacker—this year’s model is Jonathan Goff, who made, oh, 46 tackles against Michigan—and no prayer on offense.

--Georgia and LSU: yawn.

--Thanks to the poetically-named BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Ole Miss looked much better on offense against Memphis than they did at any point last season. Unfortunately for the Rebels, they looked downright mediocre on defense. Still not sure how much different Oreron’s record is going ot be in Year Two than Year One.

Nationally

--It’s been said, but it bears repeating: More than anything else, Miami and Florida St. struggle against each other to open the season because they are poorly, poorly coached teams. The ‘Canes were an absolute train wreck and the ‘Noles were barely better. Why do I get the feeling that each team’s defensive coordinators—good ol’ Mickey Andrews and Miami’s Randy Shannon--would make better head coaches than their head coaches?

--Everybody wants to pile on Colorado, Duke, and New Mexico for losing to D-IAA teams, but at least the teams they lost to were successful I-AA teams. Purdue won, but they were only ahead of Indiana St. by five, 33-28, late in the third quarter. Not only is ISU I-AA, they finished 0-11 last season! So how many points are we looking at Ohio St. scoring on the Boilermakers … 70? 80? I say they go for triple-digits.

--Michael Bush or no Michael Bush, Louisville will still win the Big East. Petrino will find a way.

Weekend picks

Ugly, ugly ugly start to the year with my 1-2 performance last week. Neither of my two underdog picks came close to covering. Stick with another favorite this week. (Spreads here.)

Auburn (-21 ½) over Mississippi St. I know I know, a homer pick, but even on the road, I can’t see Auburn’s D allowing more than 7 points to the wretched Bulldog O. Even on the road, I can’t see Auburn’s offense putting up less than 28. 28-7 is the only possible score in which MSU would cover … and I happen to think other scores are a lot more likely.

Texas Tech (-7 ½) over UTEP. How, exactly, is a Mike Price defense supposed to shut down a Mike Leach offense?

Miami (Ohio) (+18) over Purdue. I got burned backing a MAC underdog last week, but obviously Purdue is not Wisconsin.

Just for the hell of it, I’m also going to offer three NFL picks, because I can: Eagles (-6) over Texans, Chargers (-3) over Raiders, Browns (-3) over Saints.

Auburn-Wazzu recap

So as you’ve probably heard by now, the 2006 Auburn football season, i.e. “Death by Hype II: The Only Thing We Have to Fear is ‘Fear the Thumb’,” is now playing at your local movie theater 89,000-seat stadium. In the spirit of the JCCW’s post-mortem of the Capital One Bowl disaster (but with a much, much happier ending), here’s a blow-by-blow recap of the season-opener vs. Washington St., brought to you by the good folks at ESPN2 and my new DVR.

Pregame

RON FRANKLIN: Welcome to Jordan-Hare Stadium everyone! It’s a perfect night for football and tonight you’re going to see a terrific matchup between the Auburn Tigers of the SEC and the Washington St. Cougars out of the Pac-10. I’m Ron Franklin and with me as always is my colleague Mike Gottfried. Mike, when you look at this Auburn Tiger team …
RANDOM DUDE: Um, I’m not Mike Gottfried.
RON: Oh, my mistake, with me is former Notre Dame coach Bob Davie. Bob, when you look …
RANDOM DUDE: We went over this in rehearsal, Ron. I’m not coach Davie, either. My name’s Ed Cunningham. We met weeks ago…
RON: Wait, you’re who now? Why are you up here?
RANDOM DUDE ED: [sighs loudly] I’m Ed Cunningham. I’m your new broadcast partner. Ed … Cunningham.
RON: Ed, huh? OK, well, folks I guess we’ve got Ed with me. But wait, down on the sidelines, let me please introduce the third member of our crew, Dr. Jerry Punch. How you doin’ Doc? That is you down there, right Doc?
DR. JERRY PUNCH: [in squeaky, high-pitched voice] Actually, Ronnie, thees is Lisa Guerrero, filling in for Doctoor Punch. How are you Ronnie? [Punch tries to stifle snickering ]
RON: Lisa? Lisa Guerrero? I’m … I’m honestly not doing real well at the moment, Lisa.
DR. JERRY PUNCH: [still in squeaky, high-pitched voice] Well, Ronnie, I talked to Auburn head coach Tommy Tuberville before the game and he told me that as long as his team double-knotted their shoelaces and if the game was played on grass, his team would have a good chance of …
RON: All right, f*** this, I’m outta here. Lisa f***ing Guerrero, I f***ing swear. [takes microphone off ] See you later, “Ed,” hope you don’t mind flying solo …
DR. JERRY PUNCH: Ron? Ron, hey, it’s me, the Doc! Just fooling around there, buddy! It’s me, Dr. Jerry Punch!
RON: Doc, is that you? Oh thank God, thank God, Doc! …it’s so good to hear your voice … [RON weeps openly] Hey, everyone, it’s Dr. Jerry Punch! Thanks goodness. Whew. OK, so, Mike, as we get ready for the opening kickoff …
ED: I’m not Mike.

First quarter

--Hmm, Washington St. must not have read their “How To Take a Big Intimidating Home Crowd Out of the Game” pamphlet very closely, because I bet “allow sacks on first two passing plays, punt, then let home team’s star running back gallop 50 yards downfield on first play from scrimmage” was under the “Don’t” section rather than the “Do’s.” Call it a hunch.
--The Cougs hold Auburn to a field goal try thanks in part to a good first-down play by defensive end Mkristo Bruce. Ron and Ed seem to think pretty highly of him. Hey coaches, maybe we should run away from him, M’kay? (That was awful. I apologize.) Wazzu also catches a third-down break when AU’s Rod Smith decides he’d rather stop in the middle of the end zone and chill, have a nice chat with the DB, just, you know, catch a quick breather and maybe the ball will land in his hands anyway … our lives are so fast-paced these days, you know?
--John Vaughn mysteriously connects on a 31-yard field goal. 3-0 Tigers.
--On Wazzu’s next possession, Chris Browder makes it three sacks in three dropbacks for the Auburn defensive line. I dunno, too early to start printing the “Honk if You’ve Sacked Alex Brink” bumper stickers, you think?
--The Cougs’ Darrell Hutsona could grab a first down on a 3rd-and-long draw play, but instead inexplicably decides to run sideways just in front of the first-down marker, so AU’s Aairon Savage can haul him down just shy. Inspired by Hutsona’s act of charity and good will, Tiger punt returner Robert Dunn decides that he’ll do Hutsona one better and runs backwards five yards on his return.
--After a third-down scramble, Franklin actually uses the phrase “abundance of speed” in reference to Brandon Cox, and even without prefacing it with “can’t say he’s got an … ” or “if there’s one thing Brandon Cox does not have, it’s an … “ or “Prepare your bomb shelters, folks, the Apocalypse is coming, because we just saw Brandon Cox show what looked like an …” … any of which would have been perfectly understandable, of course.
--The nation gets its first look at the new “Click Clack” Under Armour commercial featuring Tubby. Near the end of the spot, we see Tubby coming out of the tunnel leading the Tigers, and like the rest of the Intense Athletes featured, he says “click clack.” Unlike the rest of the Intense Athletes, however, who say “click clack” with a quiet intensity that works with the slogan’s intent to suggest the sound of an Intense Athlete sneaking up on you in a stadium hallway (to protect his house, presumably), Tubby barks “Click Clack!” like Teddy Roosevelt riding down a Cuban hill screaming “Remember the Maine!” (Know your history, kids.) It is, in fact, the funniest thing I have seen in my entire life. “Click Clack!” … rewind … “Click Clack!” … rewind … pause for breath … “Click Clack!” I swear, only Tubby could make the words “Click Clack!” come across like “Good sweet Lord, do you see how much more bad-ass we are than your pathetic, not-in-a-national-commercial team? I pity you.”
--The mystery deepens as Vaughn kicks a career-long 44-yarder with a good 10 yards to spare. The hell?
--Punch somehow takes 10 minutes and a table with more props than Carrot Top to deliver the stunning news that Auburn will give its players IVs at halftime. He wraps up by saying one of Auburn’s marching-band drummers lost 11 pounds of water weight during a game last year, which just goes to show you that some people need to take their drumming a lot less seriously.
-- Cougars tailback Demaundray Woolridge sprints 42 yards to the Auburn 1, surprising the Auburn D (and probably many in the Auburn crowd), who believed, not unreasonably, that Pac-10 teams played without tailbacks. Wazzu takes a 7-6 lead.

Second quarter

--3rd-and-5 from the Wazzu 35, and Cox shows he’s picking up right where he left off last season … i.e. his Gabe Gross-esque performance in the Cap One Bowl. He throws well behind a wide open Cole Bennett. Fourth down. Again.
--Who are you, and what have you done with John Vaughn? Whoever--or whatever--is inhabiting Vaughn’s uniform just kicked a picture-perfect 52-yard field goal. 52 yards! Somewhere, Satan is putting on a sweater.
--Auburn gets the ball back and Cox hits Smith (who decides it’s in his best interests to finish running his route this time) with a 41-yard bomb to the Wazzu 29. Cunningham smartly points out that Wazzu’s defensive coordinator screwed up, putting his base defense on the field instead of a nickel, leaving a hapless linebacker to cover Smith 30 yards downfield, and congratulating Cox on the pickup. Ron is impressed, as am I. He’s already left Davie in the dust in my book. (The one entitled “What the JCCW Thinks about Various College Football Broadcasters,” that book. No, it hasn’t sold well to this point.)
--It’s third down in Wazzu territory, which of course means it’s going to be fourth down … now . (Via sack this time.) The alleged "John Vaughn" steps up and goes 4-for-4, connecting from 30 yards, and I’ve got a theory about this. It starts in 2004, with “Jason Campbell,” and his sudden transformation from erratic punching bag to Heisman candidate and first-round draft pick upon Al Borges’ arrival. It remains obvious to me that “Al Borges” is more likely a mad German scientist named Dr. Alfred Borg, who has perfected the process of creating perfect robot duplicates of american college football players. Borg probably had--and still has--the real Jason Campbell locked up somewhere deep in the bowels of Jordan-Hare, while the android Campbell went about smashing Auburn’s efficiency ratings records and getting drafted. But at least Campbell now apparently has some company in the dungeons, as I’m fairly certain that the real John Vaughn is down there somewhere, too. Now kicking for Auburn … VaughnBot 3000!
--Poor Alex Brink. Quentin Groves and Marquies Gunn both roar into the pocket on 3rd-and-16, and while Brink is alert enough to step up (causing Groves and Dunn to run into each other rather comically), he’s still so spooked he trips over his lineman’s foot in an attempt to scramble (also quite comical). Between this play, “Click Clack!” and a shockingly good Cunningham-and-Franklin riff on the 99-cent charge to vote for game MVP (“I’ve already spent 20 bucks,” Cunningham says), this is turning out to be the funniest Auburn game since, well, ever.
--There’s 6:10 left in the first half, and we have our first Lee Guess sighting! I’m excited not only because Guess has to be the first white Auburn receiver to make a reception since the late, great (OK, he’s neither) Justin Fetsko, but because he becomes the first and only Auburn football player (of the three) I taught during my time at AU to make any recordable impact on the field. Here’s to hoping he has a huge season, so my cocktail-party anecdotes about what papers he wrote and what grade I gave him get more interesting.
--Five minutes left in the half, and finally Auburn gets their touchdown, Brad Lester weaving his way in on a screen pass from 34 yards out. Lester has rather curiously taken advantage of Devin Aromashadu’s departure to switch to the “1” jersey, which I’m sure he’s hoping makes him look like #1 but to the JCCW, after four years of watching Aromashadu prancing about in it, just makes him look like a skinny wide receiver. A skinny wide receiver that happens to be a hell of a running back, yes, but still skinny.
--There’s a Tre Smith sighting as the half draws to a close, but like so many meaningful relationships, after four years, the thrill just isn’t there any more.

Halftime

DR. JERRY PUNCH: Coach Tuberville, would you like to risk a disastrous falling-out with the college football coaches’ union by saying anything at your halftime interview that isn’t a cliché?
TUBERVILLE: No, but I will use the cliché “caught them with their pants down” to describe that screen pass, which you don’t often hear in this context.
DR. JERRY PUNCH: With good reason, Coach. Good luck in the second half!
TUBERVILLE: Click Clack!

Third quarter

--It takes all of one play from scrimmage for Irons to get his. 58 yards, touchdown. See, Brad, Kenny stuck with 23 and it doesn’t seem to hurt him. What was wrong with 28?
--AU’s Carl Stewart makes a couple of short plodding runs in the middle of the field, allowing Ron and Ed to lovingly gush about Stewart’s ability to play the violin. Apparently, if ESPN football announcers were in charge of awarding Nobel prizes, violin-playing running backs would come in somewhere behind Mother Theresa, but definitely ahead of, say, Jimmy Carter.
--Just as the game seems to be settling in for a drama-less 20-point-cushion-at-all-times second half, Wazzu brings in backup QB Gary Rogers and Auburn’s defense decides the boss won’t notice if they sneak out for a quick cig out back. Tight end Cody Boyd waltzes in from 50 yards, touchdown, 26-14, and…
-- … this is the Auburn offense’s response: rush for loss of 1, incompletion, sack. Way to seize the momentum back, guys.
--Um, OK. Will Herring runs for 40 yards on a fake punt. That’s great and all, but … with the defense Auburn’s got, do we really want to go running fake punts on 4th-and-15 inside our own 20 all the time? Isn’t this the sort of risk we ought to be labeling “not quite worth it”? And of course, worst of all, we’re about to get another season-ful of references to “Tommy Tuberville, Riverboat Gambler” every single time Auburn sends the special teams onto the field. I’d say, “Man, how quick is that going to get old?” but it’s already old by the time Ron and Ed are done with it. Blecch.
--Stewart misses Tommy Trott on a halfback pass, and Cunningham busts out with “That was a Fender [throw] when he needed a Stradivarius,” causing 3.5 million Alabamians to simultaneously go “Huh”? and the remaining 500,000 to explain, “He’s talking about a brand of electric guitar and a famous kind of violin, because, see, Stewart overthrew him and … nevermind.”
--VaughnBot 3000 decides going 5-for-5 might blow his cover, shanks a 36-yarder.
--Because apparently finishing a perfect 5-for-5 while directing a 90-yard drive isn’t good enough, Rogers is back on the bench while Alex “On the” Brink “Of Destruction” returns under center. His last six plays of the drive go incompletion-incompletion-incompletion (penalty first down)-incompletion-QB draw for no gain-incompletion. Of course. Cunningham stops short of calling the decision to reinsert Brink the stupidest idea since New Coke. But you can tell where he stands.

Fourth quarter

--Auburn takes over at their own 31, and Dr. Alfred Borg runs Irons and Lester right down Wazzu’s throat, calling rushes on eight of the drive’s nine plays. Lester caps it with a 12-yard TD. Doc Borg, as long as Auburn keeps running the ball like that in the fourth quarter, I for one don’t care how many players you abduct for your nefarious and demented experiments. Take all you want!
--Despite the new tees designed to cause shorter kickoffs and more returns, AU’s Matt Clark sends the kickoff deep into the end zone for the sixth time in seven tries, leading to this exchange between Ron and Ed:

RON: That Clark has got some leg. If you were standing 10 yards away and he kicked the ball into your head, why, I bet you wouldn’t even survive! [laughs jovially]
ED: You probably wouldn’t! That leg should be classified as a lethal weapon! [laughs jovially] Is Matt Clark even safe enough to let out on the streets? He should probably spend the rest of life in prison!
RON: Well what good would that do when he could just kick his way right through those concrete walls and continue his reign of terror, no matter what tee he was using? [Ron and Ed continue to share jovial laughter] First-and-10 for the Cougars …

(OK, I’m paraphrasing a bit.)

--Dr. Jerry Punch desperately tries to prove he’s a sportscaster AND a real medical doctor by dragging a skeleton onto the sidelines and using it to explain to viewers what an MCL and ACL are. I like you, Doc, but this is what’s commonly referred to as “trying way too damn hard.” That’s the technical journalistic term, anyway.
--Freshman AU safety Aairon Savage is called for a personal foul after the officials decide he went helmet-to-helmet with a Wazzu receiver. Seriously, it can’t help your standing with the zebras in these situations when your last name is “Savage,” can it?
--Will Herring caps a solid first performance at linebacker—and effectively ends any hope of a thrilling Wazzu comeback—by picking Brink off, somewhat surprisingly the game’s first (and as it would turn out, only turnover). Any of you still thinking about his years of experience at safety, forget it, he’s better at linebacker and the idea of playing Will in the secondary is now just a red … a red … I can’t go through with this. It’s just too terrible a joke. It’s tempting, but stopping there is what’s best for the children.
--You wouldn’t think it could be done, but Tre Smith manages to successfully encapsulate his entire four-year Auburn career in three plays. First-and-goal from the five, he squirms ahead to the 2. Second down, he launches himself airborne from the 4 when he should stay on the ground, and lands inside the 1. Third down, now that he’s close enough, he should try the “Bo over the top” method again, but instead runs smack into a wall of defenders. He wants the score so bad his legs keep churning even after he’s been turned upside-down and is sitting on his back, like a beetle or something. Now it’s fourth down, and in comes Stewart to stroll in for the TD. Ladies and gentlemen, Tre Smith: every single ounce of effort you could possibly want, but finally, when it counts, you’re going to want someone else on the field. Sad, sad, sad, but true. (Unless, of course, you’re throwing a pass to him. Then, by all means, use Tre Smith.)
--Your final score: Auburn 40, Evil Invaders from the Land of Apples, 14.

I’ll post more on this game in the next few days, but the bottom line is that despite Wazzu’s brainless decision to go back to the rattled Brink, the Cougars had one of the country’s most explosive offense last season and Auburn held them to 14 points. And despite Cox’s hiccups on third down, having 8 possessions of 11 end in points (with another ending in a FG miss) is pretty damn efficient no matter who you’re playing. There may be reason to downgrade Auburn’s massive expectations in the very near future (as in Sept. 16). But there weren’t any this week.

Last-minute predictions

So for Christmas THIS year, I wanna Auburn beating Wazzu on national TV, and a Georgia Tech upsetting Notre Dame, and a Tennessee vouching for the SEC with a win over Cal …

(Don’t lie. This feels like Christmas today and you know it.)

My long overdue feelings on the rest of the SEC and the national picture, in order of projected finish…

SEC East

6) Vandy

Boy, that Jay Cutler business was fun, wasn’t it? Still breaks my heart the ‘Dores could have gone bowling if they’d beaten friggin’ Middle Tennessee St. at home in midseason. But that’s why they’re Vandy. Oh, and this year? With Kentucky and Miss. St. improving, it’s back to the bottom of the league.

5) Kentucky

Really, the only news worth reporting here is that Jared Lorenzen is now the Giants’ backup, meaning we’re one cheap shot away from the Round Mound of Touchdown taking on the NFL. Oh, and Rafael Little will probably join J-Load in the League when he graduates … if Little played for Florida, he’d be a Heisman candidate, and the Gators might win the SEC

4) South Carolina

The trendy pick to win the whole division, mostly (far as I can tell) because there are abundant reasons to knock the Vols, Dawgs, and Gators. But there’s more reasons to knock the ‘Cocks, and not just because the punter/placekicker was their MVP Thursday night in Starkville. Why exactly should they be any better than last year, when the defense—the quiet strength of the 2005 team—lost 8 starters? Any offensive improvement should be offset by the defensive regression, meaning the other USC will end up exactly where they were last year. Although “exactly where they were last year” includes one big upset a la the Florida win last season … Auburn had best tread very carefully Sept. 28.

3) Georgia

The ‘Dawgs won’t be much worse than last season. Richt is, unfortunately for certain teams that play his every single season, arguably the nation’s most underrated coach (he’s the Bill Cowher of college football … one of these years, he’s going to get his big ring) and there’s won’t be much slippage. But with UGA stuck in one of those ugly “Do we play the hardworking-senior-who-bided-his-time-but-can’t-throw or the hotshot-freshman-who-hasn’t-earned-it-and-might-implode-at-any-time?” situations at QB, and those never, ever end prettily. Plus the Vols and Gators got better in the offseason.

2) Tennessee

I don’t think Cutcliffe is going to make that big a difference. What will make that big a difference is the sting of 5-6 and being expected to finish fourth in their division. Fulmer must be distantly related to Tubby—both their teams do much better when regarded lightly than when discussed in the national title picture. There’s enough talent here that hasn’t yet been arrested to challenge the Gators for the top of the division.

1) Florida

Yeah, I’m on the Meyer Kool-Aid. Everyone bitches and bitches about Leak not being the right fit for the system, but Leak was never the problem last season; he averaged more than six yards a carry. The problems were an offensive line that never wrapped its collective head around Meyer’s schemes and a nonexistent running game. Whether they find a tailback or not, the line should have its head screwed on straight, and Leak and the Gator wideouts should be able to give an outstanding D (20 bucks says Charlie Strong is the SEC’s next African-American head coach) more than enough points to work with.

SEC West

6) Mississippi St.

Croom will get there. Anyone who watched his defense terrorize the Gamecocks Thursday night ought to know that. If his team played in any other league in the country he’d probably corral a winning record this year. But this is the SEC, and as the offense is still a year away at minimum and everyone else in their division is getting better, too, it’s the SEC West cellar for 2006 again.

5) Ole Miss

I dunno, State might pip them for fifth. I’ll believe Orgeron can coach anything besides the defensive line when they actually look like beating anyone decent. But Schaeffer’s a good player and who am I to question the dozens of recruiting spreadsheets that say Orgeron pulled in the kind of class that can make a difference this season? A clear fifth at best, in either case.

4) Arkansas

Trust me: USC is going to smoke them tonight. I’m baffled as to why so many pundits (looking at you, Corso) have placed so much faith in an offensive coordinator who was coaching high school at this time last year and was hired solely in order to bring in a recruit. Sure, they should be able to run the ball, but McFadden's banged up ("banged" as in "the sound the gun made when it shot his foot") and what else will they be able to do? They simply weren’t that good last year, Nutt’s entire reputation is based on handful of big upsets that were years ago now (Auburn, Texas), and the road back to contention is longer than people are making it out to be.

3) Alabama

It’s not going to be a repeat of 2005, but it’s not going to be the collapse Auburn fans are hoping for, either. Croyle and Ryans are gone and Prothro may never come back, but Darby and Gilberry and some solid offensive linemen are still around and Shula’s a better coach than the guys helming the teams behind the Tide. Especially late in the season, when John Parker Wilson isn’t as distracted by seeing himself make cameos on “Two-a-Days” and knows what he’s doing, the Tide may be able to sneak up on someone (are you listening, Tigers?)

2) LSU

The second-best team in the conference, and it’s not even close. Russell’s so much better than people give him credit for, there’s still loads of depth on both lines, and the secondary might be the nation’s best. The problems? Well, Auburn standing in their way, for starters. But the schedule is killer: not just at Auburn, but at Tennessee and at Florida and at Arkansas, the Tigers’ long-time bogey team? Just too tough to win the division.

1) Auburn

Gone over this already.

The rest of the nation…

Big Ten: Ohio St. is almost the 2006 equivalent of that Oregon St. team that Sports Illustrated named their preseason No. 1 a few years ago and went like 7-5. Sure, Ohio St. has some amazing skill position guys, but they lost their entire defense … you can’t win a national title winning every game 38-35. In fact, you can’t even win your league when there’s a team as dangerous as Iowa lurking about. The Hawkeyes are another one of these teams that seem to make more noise when no one’s listening, and they have the conference’s best QB and best head coach. They should beat the Buckeyes at home and take the league title. In fact, they might take more than that …

Pac-10: Quietly the second-best conference in the country, but it’s still all about USC vs. Cal. USC is better than people are giving them credit for. And with the quarterback position solidified, Tedford should finally be able to gameplan the Golden Bears past the Trojans this season. Cal wins the Pac-10.

Big 12: Blecch. What it does it say when this is a two-team conference, and one of those teams (Oklahoma) is starting a wide receiver at quarterback? Plenty of pundits have gibbered on about how the Sooners are loaded everywhere besides QB, Paul Thompson has experience, Stoops won’t let them go 8-4, etc., but didn’t they say the same thing last season? Texas Tech will be their usual questionable 9-3 self, A&M will choke left and right again, and the entire North division is a wasteland. That leaves Texas. Freshman quarterbacks or not, I don’t see any reason Texas will be any weaker at QB than Oklahoma, and the Longhorns are even more loaded elsewhere than the Sooners. They’ll beat Oklahoma and they’ll win the Big 12.

Big East: West Virginia is very, very good. Louisville is even better. But I’ll believe either if teams can pull off an undefeated season when they do it. There’s plenty of teams on both schedules—South Florida, Connecticut, Pitt, even at Miss. St. for the Mountaineers—that could spring an upset, and after the Cardinals’ epic choke job against South Florida last year I have a hard seeing them dodge every bullet. Petrino’s bunch will beat Miami. And they’ll beat the Mountaineers. But they won’t make the BSC title game.

ACC: Remember when this was supposed to become the nation’s best conference? Instead we’re about to watch Florida St. hobble their way to another 8-5 “championship” season. No other conference in the country has more beat-anyone-one-week-lose-to-anyone-the-next teams: Virginia, Virginia Tech, Georgia Tech, Clemson, North Carolina, N.C. State … could the league be any more schizophrenic? They should invite Michigan St. to join the league just on general principle.

Notre Dame: You know, I’ve already written about this team, so I’m just going to cut-and-paste: “Ohio St. Notre Dame is almost the 2006 equivalent of that Oregon St. team that Sports Illustrated named their preseason No. 1 a few years ago and went like 7-5. Sure, Ohio St. Notre Dame has some amazing skill position guys, but … you can’t win a national title winning every game 38-35.” Georgia Tech is going to shut down the hype machine tonight.

Mid-majors: The first annual BCS charity case should be Utah. Fresno St. is year-in-year-out the mid-majors’ best program, but the Bulldogs live for beating BCS teams and nothing else, and they’ll get “nothing else” in the WAC yet again.

And the winner is…

Have you seen Iowa’s schedule? There’s two games on it. One is the aforementioned home date with an Ohio St. defense Drew Tate and company should shred. The other is their only tough road game of note—at Michigan, only the country’s most overrated home venue and a team Ferentz has all but owned (OK, they lost in OT to the Wolverines last year, but that just means the Hawkeyes are due). They’ll finish the regular season undefeated.

But no one else will—the teams with the talent to manage it are in the SEC, which is simply too deep to let it happen. So who’ll join Iowa? Texas. The Longhorns’ inexperience at quarterback will cost them against Ohio St., but as McCoy (or Snead) comes along and the running game and defense dominate their well-water schedule, they won’t lose another game. Thanks to Texas’ having absorbed their loss earlier than any of what I expect to be a gaggle of one-loss teams (Louisville, Auburn, the Cal-USC winner), the Longhorns will be ranked second in the polls and will play—and beat—Iowa in the BSC title game. Once again, the national title will be disputed, once again the BCS will be compared to various diseases, and once again despite it all college football won’t get any closer to a playoff.

Weekly picks

I've been trying to figure out for a while how I would do if I was a college football gambler. So each week, as an experiment, I'm going to look at the spread and make three fake bets. I'll tally up the totals week-by-week and see if I'd make any money. This week's picks:

USC (-8) over Arkansas: USC has so much more talent all over the field it's unbelievable to me people are expecting the Hogs to even hang close in this game. The Trojans roll.

Utah (+3) over UCLA: UCLA lost a ton of people, Utah didn't, and Utah's Meyer-esque schemes work even better against teams that haven't seen it before (i.e. UCLA). Utah should win going away.

Bowling Green (+11) over Wisconsin: This game is essentially a home game for Bowling Green--it's being held in Cleveland. Bowling Green put up a great fight last season against a much better Wisky team than this year's version, and now they're at home? 11 points should be plenty.

The 2006 Auburn Tigers, A to Z

C’mon, my originality conscience says. You’re not really going to do that alphabet thing for your Auburn preview, are you? How many articles and previews have you read doing the same thing, 3,000? 4,000?
“Perhaps. But, originality conscience,” I respond, “do you have any other clever ideas?”
Hmmm. Not really.
“Exactly,” I say. So without further ado, ladies and gents, the 2006 Auburn Tiger ABCs…

A is for—what else—ALABAMA. Any discussion of the Tide or Tigers has to start with, well, the Tide and Tigers, and Auburn hasn’t given its fans any preseason reason to do otherwise, what with its full endorsement of this “Fear the Thumb” business. It’s trademark Tubby cockiness, and it’s one of many reasons I’m already terrified of this game three months ahead of time. The others? How about that Auburn could very conceivably enter this game with the SEC West wrapped up but with a loss or two that had knocked them out of the national picture--giving them nothing but pride to play for, a situation Tubby’s never coached well in? That by this point of the season the J.P. Wilson and the rest of the new Tide starters will have plenty of experience? That it’s in Tuscaloosa? That even though you can’t really “throw out the records”—the better team on paper wins this game more often than you might think—it’s still the Iron Bowl and who the hell knows? You ask me, it’s likely it won’t be the Tide who should enter this game with something to fear.

B is for BLESSING, as in one IN DISGUISE, as in Wisconsin’s bludgeoning of Auburn in the Capital One Bowl. It’s bad enough Auburn’s the consensus pick to win the SEC, sixth in the coaches’ poll, talked about here and there as a national title contender. If they’d won their bowl game, though … let’s not think about it. The parallels to 2003 are eerie enough already.

C is for COURTNEY TAYLOR, who should have little trouble becoming the first Tiger receiver since Ronney Daniels in 1999 to top 1,000 yards receiving. The mediocrity of his 2005 season has been greatly exaggerated—first, he was playing sorta hurt, and second, Auburn had so many receiving threats last season no one was going to stand out. He’ll be fine. In fact, with the possible exception of Carolina’s Sidney Rice, he should be the SEC’s best receiver.

And while we’re here, I don’t know of many Auburn fans who are as worried about the rest of the receiving corps as the media says we should be. Obamanu, Aromashadu, and Mix were all good players…but were they SO much better than Prechae Rodriguez, Robert Dunn, Tim Hawthorne, etc. will be this year? No.

D is for DEFENSIVE TACKLE, the one position that truly does worry me. The two-deep in the middle looks like this: junior Josh Thompson, coming off of ineffective and injury-hampered season; Chris Browder, an untested senior converted from defensive end; Tez Doolittle, the most experienced of the group but coming off of a knee dislocation; and a redshirt freshman, SenDerrick Marks. Despite the question marks, the Auburn staff should have them ready to go—Tubby’s always seemed to find a couple of guys capable of plugging things up . But given the strength elsewhere on the Auburn D, it’s a safe bet that opponents are going to test the middle early and often anyway.

Staying with the defensive line, E is for END, DEFENSIVE, for the JCCW’s money the most important position on the defensive side of the ball. (Get pressure from your ends, without having to blitz, and your opponent's passing game is already 90 percent shut down.) Sure, I wish Stanley “Predator” McClover hadn’t bailed. But oh well—we’ve still got Marquies Gunn, Quentin Groves, Octavious Balkcom, and I’m sure three other guys I haven’t heard of but are just as good. Aside from running back, there’s no position Tubby’s done a better job of recruiting the last few years. I’m not worried.

F is for FRIENDLY, or FORGIVING, or FACILE—whichever you choose, they all describe Auburn’s beaut of a schedule. On paper, the three toughest teams on Auburn’s sked are LSU, Florida, and Georgia—and all of them come to Jordan-Hare. Of the four teams in the next “tier” of difficulty—Washington St., Arkansas, South Carolina, and Alabama—half of them (Wazzu and the Hogs) come to Auburn, too. I’m not buying any of that national title talk. But if you were, for theory’s sake, going to draw up an Auburn schedule from scratch that might springboard them into the BCS title game … well, this is it.

G is for “GORGEOUS AL” BORGES. If there’s a silver lining in the endless hype stream surrounding Auburn these days, it’s that 2003 simply isn’t going to happen again while Borges is around. He’s just too good. As in, “Since his hire, Auburn has gone 16-1 in the SEC” good. That good.

H is for HERRING, WILL, one-time secondary weak link and fan punching bag who has gained a certain veneer of respect through sheer longetivity. He’s moved from safety to linebacker this season, which some Auburn fans seem to be worried about. These fans seem to be forgetting that Herring’s strength has always been his run support and strong tackling, his weakness always his pass defending. Maybe he’s been lined up as a safety, but he’s always been a linebacker. Instead of asking “Why?” about his position shift, Auburn fans should be asking “Why didn’t this happen sooner?”

I is for the IRONS-ES, Kenny and David. Kenny is, in the JCCW’s humble opinion, one of the top two running backs in the nation alongside Oklahoma’s Adrian Peterson. But it’s senior cornerback David who’s more important to the team. Following Montavis Pitts’ dismissal from the team, behind David and opposite corner Jonathan Wilhite, the Tigers have … no one. Corner is the thinnest position on the depth chart. Running back, on the other hand, is probably the Tigers’ deepest. Behind Kenny wait a) Cadillac-clone Brad Lester, who might have just led the SEC in rushing last season if his injury hadn’t let Irons do so b) good ol’ Tre Smith, the best receiver of the bunch, who I maintain would be perfectly serviceable if need be and c) bruising Carl Stewart, who would probably start a lot of places. Kenny is likely the better player of the two brothers. But David’s more indispensable.

J is for sophomore JOHNSON, MERRILL. Another year, another new unheralded starting linebacker. Another guy who’s undersized, but who’s fast and sound and hits hard and will end up being a possessed tackling machine, just like Travis Williams and Dontarrious Thomas and all those other guys the Tigers have uncovered on Tubby’s watch. I wasn’t happy when I read about Sears’ and Blackmon’s suspensions, but geez, Auburn will still start the LSU game with Karibi Dede (senior), Herring (see above), and Johnson … if there’s a defensive problem, it’s not going to be the linebacking.

K is for KING DUNLAP, Auburn’s new starting tackle and the world’s best-named offensive lineman. His parents could have been circus midgets—no matter, you get named King Dunlap, you’re growing up to be a 300-pound offensive lineman. Dunlap was a hotshot recruit a couple seasons ago and it’s not his fault he hasn’t started before now—he was playing behind Marcus McNeill and Troy Reddick. (Good luck with that.) As with the wide receivers, yes, Auburn will have to break in a couple of new faces on the offensive line. But Joe Cope’s still there, Tim Duckworth’s still there, Ben Grubbs is still there—Auburn will likely start three seniors and two juniors on the line. There’s not a lot of depth—actually, it’s pretty much just massive Leon Hart or massive Jonathan Palmer, whichever doesn’t start--but if the line stays healthy it should still be one of the SEC’s best.

L is for LOUISIANA ST., the third opponent on Auburn’s slate and the most pivotal. Lose, and like last season AU’s looking up at the Bayou Bengals in the standings the whole damn season. Win, and especially given the Tigers’ schedule (and the difficulty of LSU’s) the West is Auburn’s for the taking. These are the two best teams in the SEC and it’s no coincidence their meetings have prodcued, in the JCCW’s view, the best game in the conference each of the last two seasons. (Although the, uh, let’s call it “ample” amount of libations the JCCW consumed during last year’s tilt may have colored his judgment.) This is the one to look forward to.

M is for MUSCHAMP, WILL, Auburn’s new defensive coordinator. Last season, Muschamp was the defensive coordinator for the Miami Dolphins. The last time Tubby hired an NFL coordinator … well, that guy is the head coach at Louisville now and is generally considered one of the best (if not the best) offensive mind in the game. Muschamp also just happened to be the DC for LSU during their national championship season. Suffice it to say, I think this is going to work out just fine.

N is for the NEW YORK TIMES. Whatever you think about the paper’s role in Auburn’s academic scandal, the scandal itself, its impact on recruiting, etc., if you think it’s going to have any impact on Auburn’s season, you’re wrong. The players only care about the scandal so far as it not putting them on probation. It’s not going to do that. They don’t care. No impact. Next.

O is for OBVIOUS heroes, like Irons, Cox, Taylor, Gunn, even Herring. Three less obvious players who might make a huge difference for Auburn this season are: Tommy Trott, the redshirt freshman tight end who will have a chance to take over Cooper Wallace’s receiving duties and who Borges wouldn’t shut up about in his Blue Ribbon preview interview; Kody Bliss, the senior punter and a bona fide All-America candidate whose field position boosts will give Auburn acres of “hidden yardage” all season; and whoever the hell ends up as the nickelback (redshirt frosh Aairon Savage?), since thanks to Borges and Cox and Irons most opponents are going to have to play catch-up, put the ball in the air, and at least try to pick on whoever’s coming on as the nickel.

P is for PRAY, as in what Auburn fans should be doing for Brandon Cox’s health on a regular basis. Backup sophomore Blake Field is a much better option than he was at this time last year, when an injury to Cox would have essentially cancelled the rest of Auburn’s season. But however much Field has improved, the minute Cox steps off the field, nine defenders hit the box and it’s all on the sophomore. I’ll believe he’s ready for that kind of pressure when I see it … so I’m going to go on not believing it and hope Cox stays healthy.

Speaking of, Q is for QUARTERBACK, and to the JCCW’s pleasant surprise it turned out last season that Auburn has one of the country’s best. The 4th-and-10 throw Cox made to beat Georgia last November took more cojones than any Auburn quarterback has shown since … well, since Jason Campbell on fourth down against LSU the year before, but the point is that we’re still talking major cojones. As much as I despise the hype that’s enveloping this year’s team, in some ways I think it’s more deserved than it was in 2003. Take a look at the top 15: does any team have a more proven QB-RB-WR trio than Cox, Irons, and Taylor? You could argue a few, of course (Smith, Pittman, and Ginn at Ohio St., Brohm, Bush, and Urritia at Louisville) but aside from maybe LSU’s Russell, Broussard/Vincent, and Bowe, there’s not even a contender in the SEC. Those three players don’t make up a whole team, of course. But when you have the talent at those positions Auburn does, the other stuff does matter a little less.

R is for RANKINGS, PRESEASON. The coaches have Auburn sixth. Given that it’s probably been a while since a consensus SEC champ at Media Days was ranked even that low, I guess I shouldn’t complain. But look, West Virginia! They just got done beating last year’s SEC champ and returned everybody! Can’t they be ahead of us, pollsters? Florida St.! Bobby Bowden, Leon Washington, the new super-ACC’s best! They’re better than us, right? Sure they are!

S is for SUSPENSIONS, and T is naturally for TOMMY TUBERVILLE. For the JCCW, it’s always six in one, half dozen in the other with Tubby. I’m glad Auburn has Tubby; I like that he wins and I like that for all of the hiccups and speedbumps that have affected his tenure, Auburn’s stayed out of trouble with the NCAA and I do honestly believe that things are better academically for the football team than they have been at points in the past. But whether it’s victory cigars at LSU, fake field goals in routs against Mississippi St., or helping fuel the 2003 hype himself and then blaming it on the media, Tubby’s always been too cocky for his own good.

That dichotomy has been on full display the last few weeks. We can all agree it was the “right” thing to do to suspend two potential starters for the Wazzu and LSU games, but it doesn’t mean Tubby had to do it; remember a few years ago, when Florida suspended players for their first two games, then had their season opener vs. Middle Tennessee St. (I think) hurricaned-out, making Tennessee the second game … and the AD announced the suspension still applied to the MTSU game? Tubby could have suspended Sears and Blackmon for the first two games, or slyly waited for midseason, or done something else to ensure his team didn’t really suffer, and no one would have batted an eye. It was a surprising show of integrity, I thought, and quite frankly earned the man about as much respect from me as his undefeated season did.

Of course, this is still the same coach that pranced around in a “Fear the Thumb” t-shirts, the sort of stunt that just begs for karma to put that kind of arrogance back in its embarrassed place. Sigh. I have more respect for Tubby, yes. But I’ve also been reminded that there’s probably always going to be a ceiling on that respect as well.

U is for UNDER ARMOUR, Auburn’s choice of jersey supplier these days. Like every Alabamian, I wish they’d stuck with Russell. But as long as they don’t do to us what Nike did to poor Florida, I’ll live with it.

V is for VAUGHN, JOHN. The placekicking game has forever been a thorn in Tubby’s side at Auburn, and for all of his outward support of Vaughn following the LSU debacle (said it was really his best season, etc.), I do wonder if behind the scenes Vaughn is getting the same kind of “support” that led to Damon Duval (amongst others) never mentally recovering from a bad game or two. Here’s to hoping Vaughn has his confidence back--and that even assuming he does, that the LSU game doesn’t come down to one of his kicks.

W is WASHINGTON ST. Great. Just what we need. A solid, easily underrated, on-the-come BCS conference team to play just when Auburn is at their most vulnerable to bigheadedness. True story: Tubby is 1-5 at Auburn against nonconference BCS foes regular season (and still only 4-8 when you toss in his bowl games). Especially in August, the Tigers really ought to be able to push Wazzu around. But they should have been able to push Georgia Tech around in 2005 and 2003, too, and Syracuse in 2001 … this game is going to a nail-biter at least, and could very well be another miserable 0-1 start.

X is for XPECTATIONS, the ones that by now are so big they don’t even need an “e” anymore. Bad news. The good news, though, is that Y is for YOUNG, as in what Auburn isn’t anymore. The Tigers have a whopping 23 seniors on the roster, more than any other team in Tubby’s tenure. Hopefully they’ll each remember 2003 and handle themselves appropriately … despite the signals they may be getting from their head coach.

Z is for … you know, it could be for Zach Kutch, the kickoff specialist, but what Z really signifies is the end of the column. Which means it’s prediction time. So what do all these points of worry and points of confidence add up to?

Not an undefeated season. Two in three seasons is asking for too much … if Miami in the early 2000s couldn’t pull it off and the recent USC teams couldn’t, I don’t see Auburn doing it, either, solid as they are.

As for the SEC, it’s going to come down to Auburn and LSU. Given that a) Auburn has the easier schedule b) they host LSU c) I’m not sold on Les Miles, I have to think the smart money is on Auburn. But there’s too many potholes—-Wazzu, South Carolina, Florida and Georgia, Alabama, a stuff bowl game—-to expect an unblemished run. The guess here? 11-1 regular season, an SEC title, a BCS bowl (but not title game) loss, and a final record of 12-2.

SEC preview coming later this week.

Why I still don't especially care about the Hawks

One last summer rant before serious Auburn football blogging gets underway later this week...

It happens every time. Angry fans start giving a GM or coach the requisite Burger King™ flame-broiling after another decision that most invertebrates would have gone the other way on (“Well, Jim, I’m only a starfish. I mean, I have to extend my stomach outside my body to eat, for crying out loud! But to answer your question, no, I do not think the Broncos should use this third round-pick on Maurice Clarett”), and down comes the inevitable “If the fans think it’s so easy, why don’t they come try to do my job for a while” comments.
Of course, the thing is, there are many, many recorded instances of the fans’ collective wisdom being exponentially better than the GM or coaches’ alleged expertise. Very, very few Detroit fans, even standing in the crucible of an NFL sideline with the wind gusting every which way, would have chosen to kick away to start overtime as Marty Mornhingweg did a couple years back in a Lions loss. Safe to say that the few Trail Blazers fans that were excited about the NBA draft in 1984 were less excited about the hotshot gunslinger that had won a national title at UNC than they were for a hobbled center they’d never heard of. And this is one Braves fan who still remembers reading that Bobby Cox had decided to start Charlie Leibrandt in Game 1 of the 1992 World Series, because he was “experienced,” and knew the Braves were “screwed.”
Then there’s Billy Knight, the Atlanta Hawks, and the 2005 NBA Draft. The Hawks, you’ll recall, were sitting in the No. 2 spot and were going to have their pick of Andrew Bogut (no worries game, mate), Marvin Williams (couldn’t start for his college team), and Chris Paul—the best prospect in years at the Hawks’ position of greatest need (point guard) and, arguably, the most important position on the court. A quick survey of halfway knowledgeable Atlanta fans, one of the possible draftees, one raving lunatic, and one Hawks exec on the day of the draft would have gone like this:

Q: Who do you think the Hawks should draft?

FAN 1: Chris Paul.
FAN 2: Chris Paul.
THE JCCW: Chris Paul.
CHRIS PAUL: Chris Paul (the first top-notch prospect in years to express a preference for Atlanta)
FAN 3: Chris Paul.
DICK VITALE: Chris Paul. (Said so during the draft telecast.)
FAN 4: Chris Paul.
BILLY KNIGHT: Marvin Williams.

Of course, Paul went on to have the greatest rookie season for an NBA point guard since Magic Johnson and won Rookie of the Year, while Williams failed to average 10 points a game. Good work, Billy.

To be fair, Atlanta fans were happy after the draft. But that was because word was Knight was going to take Bogut if Williams was gone. Knight’s defenders will also point out that Williams looks very likely to become a quality player, perhaps even an All-Star. But as rare as sweet-shooting athletic forwards are, they’re still dime-a-dozen compared to a bona fide pass-first X-Ray vision court general like Paul.

So, naturally, as Paul took the league by storm and it became clear Knight had shown the kind of foresight associated with Y2K bunker builders, both the Atlanta and national media called him out. Hawks fans (all, what, 37 of them) followed suit, called a spade a spade, and voiced their displeasure--but I don’t think many called for Knight’s firing. One mistake from a guy who inherited a mess of Atlanta rush-hour traffic proportions does not a dismissal make. Nonetheless, Knight had this to say in the run-up to this year’s draft:

Guys are running around saying, 'Point guard, point guard.' But what if I don't agree with that? ... I find [such talk] a little humorous and entertaining ... I always take talent. ... I like good basketball players, and there are a lot of 6-foot-8 players in the draft. And 6-8 is the ideal size …I hear people on sports shows, and I think that person has as much business talking about basketball as I do running the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

Well, Billy, no offense, but if the Chairman of the NRC chose “Let nuclear waste spill all over the place” over the “Keep nuclear waste safely locked away” option, I hope you’d still feel justified in criticizing him. Also nice to see you consider the opinions of the precious few Hawks fans that still give a crap as “humorous and entertaining,” a phrase measuring a perfect 10 on the Condescend-O-Meter. Isn’t it cute how the unwashed masses just go on having their own opinions? Silly things.

But the best quote in this batch of gems? “I always take talent.” This brings us to the 2006 draft. The Hawks promised Duke big man Shelden Williams they would take him with the fifth pick of the draft if he was available, and did so. Amidst the biggest flurry of draft night trading in league history, with bushels of players and draft picks changing hands, the Hawks stood pat. Knight then used their second-round choice on 6-10 center Solomon Jones from South Florida.

Let’s go over exactly how levels on which this was an awful draft for the Hawks:

1. Billy Knight takes talent? Not this time he didn’t. Williams will be a solid enough player; he’s a poor man’s Carlos Boozer, a Coach K-trained physical banger that will grab his share of rebounds and (hopefully) putbacks if he can stay out of foul trouble. But saying he’s the fifth-most talented player in the draft is a joke. Everyone knows it. Knight admitted as much, mentioning how poorly the team’s interior defense and rebounding were and saying they took Williams to “help us in those areas.” So which is it, Billy? Do you draft for needs in “areas,” as you did with Shelden, or on talent, as you did with Marvin? The bottom line is that Knight doesn’t really appear to have a draft strategy one way or the other: he’s just grabbing whatever player he happens to take a shine to. First it meant passing on Paul. Now it’s meant passing on a number of guards that would have been more useful.
2. Why on earth would you promise to draft anyone? Someone let Knight know that this isn’t college recruiting, where Williams gets to pick which of several teams that drafted him he’ll sign with. The only thing this accomplished was letting the teams behind the Hawks know they didn’t have to worry about Knight stealing their guy. Kind of you, Billy. ESPN guru Chad Ford had this to say June 15: "The buzz around Orlando on Friday was that the Hawks had cut a deal with Shelden Williams. However, that makes almost no sense. Why cut a deal with a guy this early in the draft, especially one who has a 99.9 percent probability of being there at No. 5?" In other words, he didn't have any proof that the Hawks made such a promise, but still didn't want to accept it as fact because of how mind-bogglingly pointless it was.
3. If Knight was set on Williams, why didn’t he trade down and then take him? None of the other teams in the top 10 were rumored to even be seriously looking at him. (Ford mentioned that the Celtics liked him, then added it could have very well been a bluff to keep the Hawks away from Brandon Roy.) The Hawks could have traded down a good three-to-five spots and still easily snapped Williams up. Knight had the chance to add another asset, and didn’t, for reasons I can only assume are a projection problem: he liked Williams, so he assumed everyone else did, too, despite all evidence being to the contrary.
4. Perhaps Knight would have filled the team’s beyond-glaring need at point guard if there had been a prototypical PG that made sense at No. 5. Admittedly, there wasn’t; UConn’s Marcus Williams was the best of the lot and no one expected him to go before the mid-to-late teens. But because Joe Johnson is such a terrific playmaker, the Hawks don’t necessarily have to have a Paul-like distributor. It’d be nice, but NBA teams can win without one (see the Mavericks, Pistons, Cavs, Spurs, etc.) and there were not one but two outstanding, polished combo guards available that would have paired brilliantly with Johnson: Brandon Roy (more of a 2) and Randy Foye (more of a 1). Knight passed on both and eventually signed a career backup who just spent last season playing behind—you guessed it—Chris Paul. Speedy Claxton’s an improvement, but if I’m an opponent I’m much more worried about the combination of Randy Foye and Joe Johnson than I am the combo of Speedy Claxton and Joe Johnson. Not to mention, of course, that Knight likely could have just had them both.
5. I can admit that Knight has a point when he says his frightfully young team would do better with a veteran as the floor leader. He might be right. But it’s not like the Hawks have one OK point guard and need to upgrade; until the Claxton signing, they had no NBA-quality point guards at all. (Unless you count the useless-at-best Tyronn Lue.) Why not draft a prospect and let him learn behind the veteran? Especially when the prospect is one as tantalizing as Marcus Williams, for the JCCW’s money the best non-Florida player in the NCAA Tournament, and he’s right there for the plucking. Williams slid and slid and slid and still Knight sat on his hands. Eventually the Suns simply put the 21st pick up for auction, with Williams still on the board—and the Hawks watched the Celtics buy it and Williams finally go to the Nets at number 22. Hope Claxton enjoys playing 45 minutes a game. And remember—because of the Hawks’ owners fighting in the War Room, it’s much easier for the Hawks to acquire players via the draft than free agency or trade.
6. The Jones pick … really, does Knight just have something against picking guards?

So even assuming Knight finally ships off Al Harrington one of these days, this is what the Hawks have in the frontcourt: F Josh Childress, F Marvin Williams, PF Shelden Williams, F/PF Josh Smith, and C Zaza Pachulia, all of whom are good enough to start. Bad news, Billy: only three of those guys can start at once. Sure, it’s nice to have a little bit of depth, but the Hawks barely have two starters in the backcourt and you don’t spend a No. 5 pick on a guy who will, in all likelihood, do little more than back up Pachulia and Smith for at least a year and maybe two. In the meantime, Claxton and Johnson are going to wear themselves out—while Marcus Williams, Randy Foye, and Brandon Roy, I’m sure, tear up the league.

To be clear, Knight isn’t an idiot. Smith was a steal. Picking up Pachulia was a nice move. It’s not Knight’s fault that Mike Woodson didn’t know what to do with Boris Diaw. Childress is better than given credit for. But when even the most intelligent parts of your fan base are heralding an injury-prone never-been-a-regular-starter player as a savior, you’re doing something terribly, terribly wrong. And when you have the gall to suggest that your fans’ dissatisfaction is a matter for your own amusement, well, you’ve lost me.

See, I ought to want to follow the Hawks. These days, I like the NBA better than I do the NFL or MLB. And I follow the Braves and Falcons pretty closely (Schuerholz has lost his mind, btw.) I don’t really follow the Hawks—I catch bits and pieces while I keep up with the league as a whole. And until Billy Knight admits that fans who simply want a decent point guard aren’t qualified for a jester’s cap and bells, things are going to stay that way.

Column up

My Hoopville.com column on the rise-and-fall of BSC athletics is now posted here, complete with curiously clunky but accurate headline. Enjoy.

Dog days

Is it football season yet?

Aside from the ruffle of fantasy magazines as a nation prepares for its drafts (mine's in mid-August...I'll probably get some sleeper picks up in the next couple of weeks), there's just not much noise being made in the sports world these days. There's that beautiful whiffing sound just before A-Rod heads back to the bench, and the steady refrigerator-esque drone of cliche emanating from SEC Media Days, and that's it.

But there's been a few things happening here and there of interest to this blog. Think of these as stocking stuffers ... I'll start unwrapping the serious presents when football season grows a touch closer.

-- To the surprise of no one who knows anything about anything, Duane Reboul resigned as Birmingham-Southern's head basketball coach after 17 years of ... I guess "excellence" would be the word here, but it's really been something even better than that. Even in the official BSC version, Reboul doesn't really try to hide ("with the many changes occurring here on the Hilltop...") that coaching basektball isn't the issue, it's coaching D3 basketball. Who can blame him? (It goes without saying his cross-town buddy doesn't.)

The news really deserves its own post, but between the babbling I've already done here and an aloha-means-goodbye piece on the situation I've done for Hoopville.com (when it might be posted, I don't have a clue) I just don't feel like covering the misery of this situation anymore. Besides, I've discussed the mountain of respect I have for Coach Reboul before, and no matter how much I write it doesn't really get any more complicated than this: Of all the coaches for all the sports teams I've ever rooted, Duane Reboul is the one whose hand I would most like to shake and tell him, "Good job."

--As you've likely heard, Charles Barkley is once again making noise about trying to become governor of Alabama. And, naturally, we now have preening know-it-alls who have probably never set foot inside the state discussing how Barkley will get elected because, basically, Alabamians don't know no better.

Now, if you'd asked Bayless a year ago who Alabamians would vote for--the guy who famously sacrificed his career in defense of the Ten Commandments or the incumbent governor who tried to push through the most comprehensive tax increase in state history--I'm sure he'd have said the first guy. He wouldn't just have been wrong, he'd have been double-digit wrong. Same thing this time--it's possible-bordering-on-likely that Barkley's opponent in the 2010 Democratic primary would be Artur Davis. Davis is extremely well-spoken, well-respected both in Washington and especially back home in his Congressional District, and has already discussed running in 2010. He would flatten Barkley. Even if Davis doesn't run (there's talk he'd move to the Senate), Alabama voters aren't going to pony up to Barkley just because he 's funny and on TV and once upon a time he grabbed a lot of rebounds for Auburn. His name recognition would help, sure, but despite what condescending jerkwads like Bayless would have you believe, it takes more than just notoriety to beomce Governor in Alabama--just ask Roy Moore.

--As expected, nothing to see here.

--Because old habits die hard, I feel like I ought to link to ESPN's SoCon Summer Session, in which Kyle Whelliston relates the details of a meeting between Bobby "Runaway Bride Basketball Coach" Cremins and the Big South's Gregg "The New Bobby Cremins" Marshall. I'm telling you, irony rules the world with (ironically) an iron fist.

Auburn's summertime blues

I'd like to think I'm a man. And as a man, I can admit when I'm...well, not wrong exactly, but over-the-top. My last post was an overreaction. This issue isn't worth the level of, ahem, vitriol I expressed. But that does not mean that it's irrelevant and that Auburn fans can blithely get back to their Alley Broussard/Justin Vincent voodoo dolls.

Well, check that. If you're the kind of Auburn fan who adores Auburn football and could care less if the university became Auburn College of Cosmetology and Auto Body Repair, so long as the Tigers kept racking up Sugar Bowl appearances, then carry on. Football-wise, the news that Auburn's second-string corner has left the team is, quite frankly, a bigger deal than the Times investigation.

Because this is not an athletics issue. Sure, some of Auburn's football players got a leg up this way, but as this rather excellent blog post points out, many more non-athletes took advantage of Petee's academic generosity than non-athletes. Petee wasn't calculatedly trying to boost the GPA of the entire football team; he was just a congenial putz who decided he'd play Good Cop to the sociology professors' Bad Cops. The more I read the NYT article, the more and more its "Sinister Conspiracy to Give Braindead Football Players Free Grades Uncovered!" vibe strikes me as shoddy, sensationalistic, slanted journalism.

To boot, every time Gundlach opens his mouth--and this has been an awful lot of times by now--the less and less I can see him as an academic do-gooder out to preserve the integrity of his department, rather than an embittered blabbermouth delighted to be hogging the football team's spotlight for once. I don't mind his whistle-blowing--in fact, as someone who would like Auburn to take their academic responsibilities more seriously, I encourage it. But to blast Auburn's investigative committee (a committee headed, I might add, by Dr. Constance Relihan, a terrific instructor who was one of my very favorite professors at Auburn) before the committee has even concluded its investigation smacks of motives born out of selfishness and resentment rather than concern for the school's academic name. In short, he needs to shut up.

Because the more this story becomes about Gundlach's vendettas and the Times' journalistic biases, the less it becomes about the real issue: namely, that Auburn has once again failed in holding itself up to even basic academic standards. Say whatever you want about Gundlach, but his essential complaint is a valid one. Petee has no business teaching high-level courses outside his field as direct-study classes, and even less business taking on hundreds of direct-study classes with students he never sees and handing out grades for work that doesn't get done. Sure, he was much, much more likely bending the rules out of a misguided need for student approval than to boost Auburn's standing with the NCAA--but either way, it's academically intolerable. It's the exact sort of thing that SACS is going to hate and that Aubun can't afford. Petee knew that and threw Auburn's academic standards in the trash anyway. I don't have an ounce of sympathy for him. More than any reporter, more than any rival colleague, the reason Auburn is a national joke right now is because Petee decided not to uphold Auburn's integrity and good name. That bit in my last post about him--and the toothless administration that allows this sort of thing to go on--hawking loogies all over my degree, dragging the good work of my professors, colleagues, and friends in AU's English Department through the mud? I stand by that 100 percent.

There's the argument, of course, that there are Petees on every college campus and that the only reason this happened to Auburn is Gundlach's yapping and the Times' agenda. But this calmly ignores the fact that if Petee just plays by the rules, Gundlach has nothing to yap about and there's nothing for the Times to report. The presence of this attitude amongst Auburn fans, the problems with it, and the right way of responding to Petee's transgressions were nicely summed up in an exchange in Stewart Mandel's "Mailbag" column this week. But Mandel's hoary "bridge" analogy isn't quite apt. It's more like driving on the Interstate well above the speed limit. Sure, lots of people do it. Sure, lots of people get away with it. But you're also well aware that it only takes one state trooper hiding under one underpass to make you pay for it. And Auburn--with the Times' well-known peculiar interest, history of probation, and run-ins with SACS--is driving the equivalent of a red Corvette. Petee and the administration had to drive the speed limit. They didn't, they got caught, and just as you can't blame the trooper who busts you going 90, so Auburn fans can't blame Gundlach and the Times for Petee's screw-ups.

So, in the end, Papergate won't lead to NCAA sanctions. It won't cost Auburn any player suspensions or wins in the record book. On the field, it's business as usual. On campus and in the halls of the Haley Center, though, the level of embarrassment just rose again, morale just dropped a little lower, and the ability of good professors to look their peers in the eye just got a little harder. It's long past time Auburn's administration and Board of Trustees put an end to these kinds of embarrassments for good, before SACS does it for us.

For the love of...

All right, you know what, I am sick to death of this kind of [fill in your favorite variety of animal excrement].

I'll have more to say about this in a couple of days, when I calm down and can write, say, 1,000 words without half of them being unfit for children. But for now, two things:

1) There are going to be a lot of Auburn fans (I wouldn't go so far as to say the majority, but a lot) who will read this article and see Gundlach, the whistle-blower, as the villain. There are a lot of Auburn fans (the same ones, natch) whose faces I would like to spit in. I have a Master's degree from Auburn. I know firsthand that there are hundreds of terrific faculty and staff members putting in massive hours and tons of patience for a peanuts paycheck--all to try and teach the students who want to learn something, to try to make an Auburn the sort of place people actually associate with a good college education, a place where good teachers and researchers would actually want to work.

And jackasses like this Petee, Lowder and the Board of Trustees, and the hapless administration instead take that effort, those accomplishements, and those faculty members' good names and drag them straight through the mud. They're hawking loogies all over MY degree and the degrees of my colleagues and friends. F*ck them. Kudos to Gundlach for taking a stand and saying his work and his name are worth something.

2) The next time I read a national article with a quote by "Auburn U. Interim president So-and-So" I'm going to hurl my fist through a wall. For how many years running now has Auburn been led by an "Interim" President? Five? Six? How can Auburn possibly be taken seriously as an institution of higher learning when its leadership can't even find anyone qualified who wants to be its President?

Follow-up

So, hard as it might be to believe there were things I didn't write in my last post (seeing as how it was the most longwinded piece of writing since Remembrances of Things Past), well, there were. Here they are:

--I should have perhaps made a disclaimer that my reaction is the reaction of one particular BSC alum, one who's been following these developments at a distance. I haven't been in Birmingham since early June, haven't been on campus since hoops season, haven't been a student since 2001. I wouldn't dare call my response the right one, the definitive one, or even the representative one: talk to anyone involved with athletics or even much of the student body, I'm guessing, and you'll hear a lot more anger than I expressed.

--That said, talk to the faculty and I'd imagine you'd hear much less. (They voted in support of the D3 move a few days ahead of the Board vote.) Not surprising, I know, but in my experience the faculty at BSC are much more supportive of athletics than their peers at larger institutions. It's worth noting.

--A handy chronicle of the Birmingham News's coverage of the move can be found here.

--Lastly, an announcement about the future of the JCCW. The blog will continue, starting this winter, to cover mid-major college basketball. It will no longer, however, be exclusively devoted to the Big South. There will always be a proverbial soft spot in my proverbial heart for the Flyin' Falwells and Fakecocks and Gregg Marshall's exquisite suits, but I think I can be excused for lacking the interest necessary to cover the league as I did last spring. Instead, I'm currently planning to provide daily (or near daily) analysis of overlooked mid-major results across the country. More Big South / SWAC / Sun Belt / Mid-Con than Missouri Valley, if you get my drift. Akin to the old "Daily Dribblings" on the Mid-Majority before Whelliston started playing with the big boys.

Until then, it's Auburn and SEC football and whatever else strikes my fancy--I feel a Hawks rant coming on in the next week or so. Please do keep, uh, tuning in.

DI BSC, 2004-2006, R.I.P.

OK, it took me longer than the week I mentioned and this post--I'm warning you now--is insanely long. I had a lot to think about.

Since the JCCW is first and foremost a Big South basketball blog--for the time being, anyway--maybe its first real post in more than three months should deal with the conference’s biggest summer news: Gregg Marshall, who has lorded over the Big South with an El Presidente-esque iron fist lo these many years, agreeing to move on to other pastures before deciding they might not be greener after all, and staying put. Here’s to hoping he gave C-of-C the news by calling, saying “Hey, this is Gregg. PSYCH!” into the phone, and hanging up.

But, of course, Marshall’s bait-and-switch is far from being the biggest summer headline at the JCCW. That would be, in the unlikely event you’re here and haven’t heard, my alma mater Birmingham-Southern College deciding to drop from NCAA Division I to non-scholarship NCAA Division III.

Speaking as a BSC sports fan, this sucks. It blows. It bites. Whatever verb you can think of to indicate something being…how to put this…shockingly, unbelievably terrible, it applies. Consider the many levels on which this sucks:

1. Not surprisingly, following the announcement that BSC was no longer a DI program our DI-quality athletes fled in droves. The men’s basketball and baseball teams, the campus’s most popular and successful programs, will not compete in ’06-’07. The thought of the great Duane Reboul finishing his DI coaching career with March’s lackluster defeat to Charleston Southern, followed by a non-season spent in something that can only aspire to be limbo, makes me want to break things. Loudly.
2. Our NAIA national championship-winning baseball coach, Brian Shoop, and his staff are now at UAB. If Shoop was just a baseball coach, this would still be a damn big deal. But Coach Shoop had also been one of the campus’s most popular and prominent fixtures, having been closely involved with BSC’s campus Christian community for years. He’ll be badly, badly missed.
3. All the money, all the effort, the neverending years of wandering the athletic wilderness that went into going Division I…all it got us was two seasons of real DI in hoops and one or two more in other sports. And now begins several more years of wandering, which from here sounds about as appealing as full-body electrolysis. Our AD, Joe Dean, put it pretty simply in one B’ham News story: "The sad thing is, after next year, we'll have two or three more years of not playing for anything. That's not fun. We went through that going up to Division I."
4. There are who knows how many BSC seniors who would have spent next spring painting their bodies black-and-gold for hoops games, and screaming various obscenities at the refs, and chanting Dwayne Paul’s name, and generally re-creating that same best-ever atmosphere for Panther basketball games we saw last year. Instead, they’ll spend their last year on campus not doing any of that. What a blast they’ll have.

With all of that said, there are many levels on which, say, highway construction sucks as well. And I think we can agree that sometimes the DOT doesn’t have any choice but to follow through with highway construction. That’s essentially the first of many questions I, and I’m sure many BSC alums and fans have:

Was this really necessary? Did the Board of Trustees have any other choice?

The consensus amongst the very small sampling of BSC alums I’ve spoken to: No, probably not. The college has spent bajillions on campus construction projects over the last several years, the economy hasn’t always been great shakes, and admissions (while increasing) haven’t exactly gone through the roof. I still remember my first reaction to the announcement that we were going DI: “Really? How are we going to pay for it?”

Well, according to BSC President David Pollick and the Board of Trustees, we couldn’t. In the end, it’s not so surprising: 116 athletic scholarships to BSC (the most expensive school in Alabama) plus facilities upgrades plus plenty of extra staff don’t come cheap. Even the most fervent of BSC supporters can admit that. Apparently, they didn’t even come as cheap as we were hoping—Pollick and the Board both cited expenditures above estimated costs for the DI move.

But one problem I’ve had with the announcement is that there’s been very few hard figures to take into account regarding the decision. Apparently, I’m not alone. An e-mail sent by Pollick June 2 to the BSC community-at-large reads in part:

Many of you have expressed frustration by your inability to obtain accurate information in recent days The process for the examination of athletics had to be, by necessity, conducted confidentially by the Board of Trustees so that it could be done in as efficient a timetable as possible… The data that was the basis for these discussions was privileged to the Trustees and not appropriate for the press or any audience that does not share the legal responsibilities which belong to these Trustees. Therefore, much of the commentary in the press and among many in the BSC community was done so without the relevant data or the full and complete explanation from the Board.

OK, but I’m not sure we’ve still really gotten all of the “relevant data” or a “full and complete explanation.” We heard the day of the announcement that the department was running a $5-5.7 million deficit yearly, with an operating budget of $6.5 million. Obviously, that won’t work financially. But if there were any options for reducing expenditures or increasing revenues, we never heard them. And there were never any figures released by BSC directly to the alums: neither Pollick’s e-mail nor the school’s website FAQ include any numbers at all. Save, of course, for the smiley-happy estimate of how much additional tuition the members of our new football team will fork over. If the school’s financial hands are as hog-tied as we’re being told, why doesn’t the school want us to see the numbers that show that?

Frustrating as that remains, however, in the end I’m in the camp that believes Pollick. I believe the Board. DI athletic programs everywhere hemorrhage money; it seems pretty likely that BSC’s athletics would hemorrhage so much that, long-term, continuing in DI just wasn’t viable. There’s also the rumor that BSC’s decision to jump to DI was made, in part, with the promise of massive donations from Richard Scrushy. (And unless BSC’s in the need of recommendations for either a good lawyer or tailor, Scrushy ain’t gonna be much help at this point.)

Whether you believe that or not--I hope the word of one guy, however rich, wasn’t enough for my school to take that big a leap of faith--the fact remains that one way or another, BSC didn’t have the money for Division I. But that’s not the only issue here. It’s the biggest one, yes. But there are other pivotal questions to be answered, like…

Could--should?--Dr. Pollick and the Board have handled making this decision differently?

On one hand, I admire Pollick for openly campaigning for a policy he feels is what’s best for the school, all while knowing that policy would cost him the support of sizable chunks of the student and alumni bodies. I strongly disagree with the notion (voiced here by an ex-BSC baseball player and surely echoed by any number of BSC students/athletes/etc.) that Dr. Pollick has some kind of anti-athletics vendetta. I think he simply saw a major financial problem for his institution and took the steps he believed proper to correct it. It’s not as if he acted alone, either, when the final decision was the Board’s.

On the other hand, Pollick must have known how deeply divisive this decision would be within the BSC community--and he and the Board did next-to-nothing to soothe over those divisions.

Consider what things were like for Joe Dean Jr., our athletic director. In early March, BSC is fighting for various Big South titles and he’s overseeing one of the South’s brightest up-and-coming DI athletic programs. Two months later, after only a brief flaring of public debate and with no real say of his own in the decision-making process, Dean’s now running a transitional D3 program and there’s no basketball or baseball teams. Who could blame Dean, the athletic department, or any of its supporters for being furious? Not only was the rug pulled right out from under them, I’m not sure they even had time to realize there was a rug to pull to begin with.

What’s worse, to my mind Pollick hasn’t exactly been a model of sympathy since the decision came down. He was fairly contrite in his statements the day of, but in the aforementioned e-mail he writes:

Much has been written and said regarding the Board’s Athletic Affairs Committee, the coaches, and the Athletics Director not being involved as far back as January when [Board chairman] Mr. Stephens began to gather general information. The Board’s Athletic Affairs Committee was established after the adoption of Division I athletics for the purpose of supporting the program. It is not a committee with Board financial responsibilities, as are the Executive Committee and the Finance and Investment Committee. Mr. Stephens felt it would have been inappropriate and illogical to ask such a committee to review the question of having a Division I athletics program. The same applies to the athletics staff. This was strictly a Board issue since it pertained to the financial health and long-term future of the College.

In other words: The athletic department wasn’t going to have a vote on the matter, and we knew what they’d say anyway, so why should we have asked them what they thought? It wouldn’t have made any difference in our decision to tell them what we were discussing, so why tell them?

Because, of course, that would have been the sensitive, empathetic, right thing to do. For coaches, staff, players, recruits, everybody. It’s true that, in the most literal sense of financial decision-making, this was “strictly a Board issue.” But in so many other real-life aspects, an issue this massively important is anything but. By (as far as I can tell) keeping their deliberations secret from the athletic department and the campus for so long and by boldly reasserting that they weren’t any of the athletic department’s business, BSC’s decision-makers come across as a group of cigar-smoking CEOs trying to hide the fact they’re about to move their small-town factory to Mexico.

It’s true that being up front and public about the danger the DI program was in wouldn’t have made any difference in the end about whether BSC dropped or not. But it might have made a huge difference in the level of hurt and anger in the athletics department and its supporters. Too bad that that anger--whatever the truth might be--appears to have been substantially less important to Pollick and the Board than simply getting the whole mess over with as quickly and quietly as possible.

OK, Mr. Smarty-Pants, what would you have done differently?

In my perfect world, an announcement would have been made this summe--or even summer 2005--that the Board was going to make a one-year review of the financial impact of BSC playing DI athletics. The athletics department would have been charged with cutting corners where they could, bumping up donations and attendance, and generally trying to make DI work financially. Of course, it’s extremely likely they’d have failed. But they would have had a chance. There would have been a full understanding of the condition of the program. I probably shouldn’t speak for them, but I would have rather seen BSC athletics spend a year underneath the guillotine--even with all the recruiting problems, added pressure to perform, etc.--than believe everything was hunky-dory right up until the moment it was so un-hunky-dory the program was dismantled.

I’d like to believe that a lot of the “We have to drop down NOW” sentiment has to do with BSC’s (now successful) application to join the Southern Collegiate Athletic Conference, which had an opening they very well might not have had in a year’s time. But even if Pollick had been up front in January or February--or whenever he realized the school’s athletic finances were officially in “Uh-oh” status--it would have at least given the BSC community and the athletic department ample time to respond and prepare for the possibility of the drop. And, oh yeah, Pollick and Stephens wouldn’t have had to face accusations from people like me of cloak-and-daggerism. There’s also the looming question of…

If the school’s finances are in such disarray, why are we starting a team in football, the most expensive sport of them all?

Apparently, not even the Trustees know the answer to this--just ask Bishop Goodpaster (who I met once and yes, he’s cool and yes, he really is a preacher named Goodpaster).

This exact question is asked in the BSC D3 FAQ. Apparently, we would not have gotten into the SCAC without it, which is admittedly a big deal. And there’s the chance--I’ll believe it when I see it--that the program will actually boost the athletic program’s bottom line.

So, in the long-term, perhaps it makes sense to introduce football. And it’s true that north Alabama could probably use a D3 program. But it’s going to take quite some time before that team is competitive. It’s going to cost a lot of money to build the necessary facilities. Unlike basketball, there will be precious few BSC students who won’t have their football sympathies squarely elsewhere, and it’s not like BSC has ever been head-over-heels even for its basketball team.

So forgive me for being underwhelmed--and for wondering if the football team is something of a sop to opponents of D3.

Uh…could we finally get to the bottom line?

Sure. I’m not happy at all about the drop. I’m not happy at all with Pollick or the Board.

But it’s not fair to blame Pollick and the Board for the drop. It’s fair to blame them for handling the decision in what seems like the least compassionate, campus-friendly way possible. But, again, when it comes to the decision itself I’m sure the finances had already made it for them.

The blame for the drop, I’m afraid, lies with the people who took us to Division I in the first place. It says something, I think, that even an, uh, intense BSC fan like myself was somewhat ambivalent when the announcement was made. Do we really belong in DI? I wondered.

No, we don’t. Which set of schools does BSC’s profile truly fit in with: Liberty, Winthrop, Charleston Southern, Radford, and Coastal Carolina, or Rhodes, Oglethorpe, Centre, and Sewanee? As a small liberal arts academic institution, which set do we want to rub shoulders with? Without question, the latter.

Division I was a hell of a lot of fun. I can understand the motivation behind the decision to move up. Lord knows plenty of schools have made the same one in recent years. But it was a huge mistake for many of those schools and, hard as it is to admit, it was for BSC, too. I can’t be too critical of BSC’s leadership at the time; I mean, Neal Berte was our President, and there’s not one BSC student who doesn’t know that without Dr. Berte there wouldn’t be a BSC. But I can’t help but think that in 15 years, this decision by Pollick and the Board--if not the manner in which they arrived at it--will be seen as an unpopular-but-necessary correction to an incorrect course of policy.

Sort of, you know, like highway construction.

One last question: so what happens to the JCCW now? I’ll get into that in the coming days, but suffice it to say for now that there will be changes. ‘Til next time.