$20,000 College Football Pyramid: A Short Play in One Act

Int.: The set of the 1980s game show "$20,000 Pyramid." Dick Clark is at a bright red railing explaining the rules to two conteststants, Greg and Cindy, whose clothing and hairstyle and fundamentally hilarious.



DICK CLARK: Remember, usually we would have a whole pyramid of clues, but the guy who normally rings the bell and turns the panels around to the "pyramid" icon is on vacation in Vegas, so we're just doing three today. You've very fortunate. All right players, you've got 60 seconds. Go!

GREG: Jokes about Chuck Amato's man-boobs ... the Temple line each week ... Lou Holtz's senile babblings, if you look at them the right way ...
CINDY: Things that are always hilarious?
BELL: DING!

GREG: Oregon's uniforms ... any game involving the Mississippi SEC schools ... Mitch Mustain's performance againt 'Bama ... ESPN's new college football sets ...
CINDY: Things that are eye-searingly ugly?
BELL: DING!

GREG: One of those huge banners that high school football players run through onto the field ... a beaded curtain ... an empty tollbooth plaza ...
CINDY: Things that are Irish, things that are associated with the electric toaster?
BELL: [silent]
GREG: Tissue paper ... butter, vis a vis a hot knife ... the tape at the end of a marathon ...
CINDY: Things that are covered in gravy? Things that are useful in defending one's home against vampires?
BELL: [you're way off]
GREG: a sieve ... the Auburn Tigers' defense against South Carolina Thursday night ...
CINDY: Oh, things that are shockingly easy to move through!
BELL: DING DING DING!
GREG: YES!
CINDY: pwned!
BALLOONS: [fall from the ceiling]
DICK CLARK: I'm immortal!

Fin.

Mostly full recap tomorrow a.m.