Condolences and prayers

... go out to Siran Stacy and anyone else affected by Monday's horrible, horrible accident in Dothan.

Stacy has always been stuck in the JCCW's memory both for his solid running and for being named after a common household product, a fun and frequently-told tale that was the Tide's precursor to "Carl Stewart plays the violin!", and reading the news yesterday was nauseating. The JCCW wishes him the very best in his recovery from this unimaginable tragedy.

The Great Speakers of History react to the U-LM loss (seriousness also attached)

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war, a field not unlike the echoing green of the famed Bryant-Denny Stadium of Tuscaloosa, where like-minded men have also endured great suffering and great sacrifice for their noble cause. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, for just as the Red Elephants gave their sweat and tears to avoid the indignity of falling to a Sun Belt team and to preserve their bowl eligibility, so the brave soldiers fallen here have helped to preserve this nation, that unlike Alabama's national ranking it shall not perish from the earth."



"Mr. Vice President, Mr. Speaker, members of the Senate and the House of Representatives: yesterday, December 7th, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. It was an attack without precedent in our nation's history, save for the attack on the University of Alabama football executed by the Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks, who like the Japanese are believed to have deliberately planned their forays into vulnerable Crimson Tide territory many weeks ago. That day, too, shall live in infamy ... With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounding determination of our people so like the unbending steel will of wounded coach Nick Saban and his valiant men - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God, and Bear Bryant."



"The gratitude of every home in our Island, in our Empire, and indeed throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the World War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few. Unless, of course, we consider the college football field of human conflict, where so much has been owed by so many to John Parker Wilson. All hearts go out to the fighter pilots, whose brilliant actions we see with our own eyes day after day, and to Alabama fans, who can only pray that the accuracy of Wilson's passes can again rise to match the precision of our RAF bombers."

All right, I think you get the point. Well, the "Nick Saban should maybe choose his metaphors just a touch more carefully" point. It's not a tough one to make.

But there's a larger point here, too. I honestly think we maybe shouldn't be too hard on Saban for the slip itself, I really don't; his general "it's possible to recover from catastrophe" argument is certainly a valid (and necessary) one, for all the inappropriateness he used to make said argument.

The bigger question is how Saban arrived at such a stark, stunning moment of insensitivity. Whatever 21-14 to ULM might suggest (dammit, no glee, it's impossible) King Crimson is no idiot. He's more than sharp enough to figure out that a direct comparison between a football game and 9-11 isn't exactly going to do wonders for his personal image, if he'd just stop and think about it for a minute. But Nick Saban, as we all know, doesn't have time for that shit.

Of course, most of us--even most college football coaches, never the most self-censoring bunch--probably don't even need the time, thanks to that same little voice that stops us with our mouth open just before we say something along the lines of "Honey, are you sure you should really finish that whole thing of fries?" Where was that voice for Saban Monday? Maybe it was just had the day off, but it's fair to say that voice gets a lot sharper with actual, friendly human interaction ... and it's also fair to say King Crimson doesn't really get a lot of actual friendly human interaction (particularly during football season, I'd imagine). Is it really surprising that a man so focused on football, so utterly uninterested in basic workplace decency that he can't even take a casual compliment on his haircut without flying into NO TIME FOR THIS SHIT apoplexy, might not have the keenest sense of what's appropriate, inoffensive public discourse and what's not?

I know, I know, for starters this is all so Dr. Phil (I'd prefer to think of it as all so Free Darko, but it's a valid complaint). And more importantly, what exactly does this have to do with this week's Iron Bowl?

It has to do with why I want this one, dammit. I don't like Nick Saban. But I like even less what he represents: the college football coach as heartless, personality-less coaching automaton, and the fervent embrace of said automatons as long as they win. I think college football is better for the Spurriers and Leaches and Evil Richts, better for fun so intense it has to be italicized, and worse for the dour NFL retreads like Gailey and Groh that have turned the ACC into most boring conference in America. And Alabama has hired and brought into the SEC's merry midst not just an NFL coach but a disciple of Bill Belichick, the most ruthless and soulless automaton of them all, a man with all the personality and stainless-steel efficiency of an expensive kitchen knife. Is anyone at Alabama going to care about this? A few, possibly. But as long as the wins begin piling up and promised, it will be very, very few indeed. The four-million-dollar man is the walking avatar of winning at all costs, and he is not the direction I want college football to take.

So: I want Auburn to beat Alabama every year. But this season, in the immediate wake of the Tide's decision to take this sport ever closer to the NFL, ever further away from the color and idiosyncrasy and, yep, fun that make this sport great, into a place so insulated and removed from reality their coach sees a loss as a parallel to Pearl Harbor "or whatever"? It's not just a win, not just the Index Finger on the Opposite Hand. It's the punishment Alabama deserves.

SEC Power poll ballot

First, a minor announcement: I'd hoped to go full-throttle, wall-to-wall Iron Bowl this week, but life has gotten other ideas. Plenty of content later in the week, but this is likely the last post until tomorrow evening. Do check back then and on your way back to the fridge for the leftovers.

On with this week's ballot, with the full poll as always available at Garnet and Black Attack ...

1. LSU. Alleged defensive "problems" probably less of a problem when a) opponent isn't worth preparing for b) offense is back to scoring 40 a game anyway.

2. Georgia. Suffered inevitable letdown vs. quality opponent, fell behind 10-0, and won by two scores anyway after supposedly soft-spot defense holds Woodson and Co. to a FG in the second half. If they do indeed meet Hawaii or Boise St. in the Sugar Bowl, hellooooo slaughter.

3. Florida. Defense, schmefense. How do you think alternate-universe Tebow is faring in Tuscaloosa right now after getting a year's worth of the same tutelage that's turned J.P. Wilson into a walking flaming car wreck? (Actually, alternate-universe Tebow is still talented enough that he's probably doing fine. Never mind.)

4. Tennessee. The news that LSU's AD was celebrating their win over Vandy should carry so much karmic weight that the Vols would actually stand a chance against LSU. Then again, after yet another high-wire escape over the World's Unluckiest Losers, karma probably can't be arsed on the Vols' behalf anymore regardless.

5. Kentucky. Still the owner of the best win of the remaining teams on this list and having not only a functional quarterback (such a rarity i nthe SEC these days, unfortunately) but an out-and-out prize like Woodson keeps them fifth. Close-but-no-cigar frustrations in the East race to be taken out on the Vols?

6. Auburn. Suddenly a decisive home favorite against a talented-but-struggling team -- the exact scenario Tubby has traditionally found to be his Achilles heel. Yay. Not good considering that the stakes for Auburn--for recruiting-, bowl-, streak-, and coaching-situation-blown-up-related reasons--are going to be higher than for a 'Bama program that's worried more about next season.

7. Arkansas. On one hand, a handful of plays are all that separate Arkansas from being 10-1. On the other, after this past off-season, it's probably best for all concerend if Nutt walks away now anyway. (By the by: could wind up at 7-5 and bowl-bound ahead of possibly 6-6 Carolina and possibly 6-6 Tide basically only by virtue of the SEC's weakest nonconference schedule. Boo.)

8. Miss. St. Funny how the Bulldogs don't look nearly as good when their opposition doesn't actively help them out, huh?

9. Alabama. So much for the conference's perfect record against non-BCS-conference opposition. The Florida St. loss wasn't embarrassing enough, guys?

10. South Carolina. Now Clemson's even try to steal their "inexplicable collapse" thunder, though it's not like anyone didn't see that particular maneuver coming from Bowden's boys.

11. Vanderbilt. Remember that episode of DuckTales where Scrooge's insanely lucky relative got cursed by Magica De Spell and became insanely UNlucky, so much so that Scrooge was able to predict the horrible things would happen as a result of his actions and used him to recover his No. 1 Dime from Magica? Yeah, me neither, but if I did, I bet that unlucky relative would remind me of poor cursed Vanderbilt.

12. Ole Miss. How, exactly, in the single craziest college football season known to man has Coach O managed to go the entire season without springing a single upset? Remarkable.

No glee

It will not be easy. Because the natural, innate response of nearly any college football fan--much less an Auburn fan subjected to the endless, daily barrage of Nick sucking that's been de rigueur since the day of his arrival--of this:



dissolving into this:



and this:



is going to be a certain level of OMGBAMALOLZ glee. It's inescapable, reflexive, like having a doctor strike the soft spot on your knee with a loss to Louisiana-Monroe. The "Boy, 4 million bucks just doesn't go as far as it used to, huh? That inflation's a killer" jokes rise to the tongue as easily as "What?" does when you've missed something in conversation; in fact, I'm watching the MLS Cup final as I type this and didn't even realized I'd written that line until several minutes later. True story*.

But we as Auburn fans--and, it goes without saying, Auburn's coaches and players--are going to have to keep the schadenfreude to the absolute minimum.

Because, first and foremost, the Tide's ULM loss has little-to-no bearing on the outcome of the Iron Bowl. Alabama is still the same team they were headed into yesterday's kickoff: battling-but-undertalented defense, tailback-deficient, explosive-but-turnover-prone in the passing game, without question good enough to win in Jordan-Hare if they play well and Auburn does not. The list of reasons Alabama lost to ULM begins and ends with 1. Motivation and 2. Focus, and 1. Motivation and 2.Focus will not be an issue against Auburn. (Or at least, if they are, there are problems in T-town that go way, way deeper than even losses to Sun Belt teams.)

More importantly, Auburn doesn't have anything Tide-related to crow about just yet. Fun as it might be to have a larf at 'Bama losing to something called the WarHawks today, it's going to even more painful should Auburn be the team that lost to the 'Bama team that lost to something called the WarHawks tomorrow. (Just ask any Michigan victim this season.) Not only is breaking out the party hats and kazoos over another team's accomplishment just begging for karmic backlash (at a time Auburn can least afford it), I've always felt--as I told a certain Tide-loving loser coworker who waltzed into the office wearing a "Honk if you won your bowl game" in the wake of the Wisconsin loss and in wishful ignorance of Shula's "best" team getting the holy crap beaten out of them a few weeks prior--that if you have to rely on other teams for results to celebrate, it's a sign you don't feel like celebrating the results of your own.

This week, that goes double. The bottom line is that this is Iron Bowl week. Yes, a certain amount of knee-jerk cackling is unavoidable. Lord knows I was guilty of that myself yesterday. But until the clock reads all-zeroes this Saturday on the Plains, the first 11 games mean nothing other than giving us a general idea of what we can expect from these teams (i.e. erratic quarterbacking, for one), and any individual result means nothing. Nothing. With any luck, Auburn will emerge victorious Saturday for the sixth straight time, everything will be right with the world, and it'll be no-limit, open season on King Crimson and yet another failed campaign for the Tide.

But unless that happens, at the JCCW ULM 21, Alabama 14 is just another number in the Tide's loss column. Here's to hoping Auburn will make it something else this week.



*For a given definition of "True."

Mmmm, long-term fear

So the 2008 schedule is out. I wish it had stayed in.

Auburn's 2008 slate: the Ninja Gaiden of college football schedules, though maybe not the Battletoads of college football schedules.

Seriously, this thing already smells to high heaven of venom and malevolence and we're 10 months from it kicking off. Breaking in a new QB? Replacing a couple of key starters on defense? Young team whose confidence could be shaken by a second straight rocky opening month?

Sorry Auburn, application for clemency denied. Instead, try following up your opening-week cupcake with a four-week stretch featuring a road game against a legit national title contender with a history of tearing SEC teams to rubble; a second road game against plucky opportunists sandwiched between mega-tilts that couldn't scream "TRAP!" any louder if we gave it a bullhorn; Louisiana freaking State, just the potential defending SEC and national champions; and then, just for giggles, Tennessee. If UT pulls an upset over LSU in the SEC title game, you're looking at three BCS bowl teams in four games. Hooray.

But wait, there's more! After that four-game stretch Auburn gets to take it "easy" by traveling to Vanderbilt, same place a few weeks back the SEC's current clearcut second best team won solely by the favor of the Vandy-despising football gods; hosting Arkansas, which has gone so well for Auburn in the past several years; and wrap up a eight-games-in-eight-weeks with a Southern Miss team with a history of big upsets that will be playing their biggest game of the year just as Auburn feels their biggest games are either behind them or weeks ahead. Again: hooray. At least after that Aubur nwill finally get an open date so they can prepare for their big showdown with ... Ole Miss.

The best-case scenario for Auburn from here looks like a 7-1 start (with a split of the WVU and LSU games and pure lucky survival thereafter), but 2-6 is every bit as possible. This is a murderous slate of games and at least with this season's road gauntlet, there were gaps to rest, recover, repair the holes in the gameplan ... but in 2008, if Auburn suffers through another 2006-style, Rocky-esque slugfest against LSU, the Vols aren't the types to allow for much room for recuperation. There's no New Mexico St. to let Auburn reattach the wheels if they fly off again next year.

There's some good news, of course. The open date the week before the Iron Bowl is still appreciated. Teeth-gnashing aside, Auburn should still be favored for five straight games between UT and UGA and could build up some momentum there. And most importantly this schedule shouldn't be as difficult next year as it would have been this season: I have very little doubt LSU will be working with a new coach, Tennessee won't have Ainge and doesn't have much else even now, God alone knows what's going to happen at Arkansas between now and then and even He told reporters this week he was only "reasonably confident" on the Hogs' future, Miss. St.'s alleged resurgence is built on, well, the sound decision-making of Brandon Cox and John Parker Wilson rather than sustainable down-to-down factors, and even Southern Miss hasn't been their usual giant-slaying selves this season. (West Virginia? Can't help you there.)

So maybe it's not as bad as it looks. We can only hope, 'cause from here it looks pretty gosh-darned bad, and that's before taking Auburn's potentially very, very interesting off-season into account. (Speaking of which, more on that probably late this evening.)

Putting Georgia to bed

"On second thought, maybe importing those satin curtains from Bhutan was a little hasty."

A few last thoughts before moving into full-on Iron Bowl mode:

--I honestly expected there to be a little bit more low-key grumbling from Dawg fans and other interested neutrals about the questionable-at-best, just-another-symbol-of-this-whole-daggum-country-going-soft at worst personal foul calls that gave Auburn a helping hand on their two touchdown drives. But there's been some, and it's worth noting that if it's fair to say Auburn lived by this particular sword, they died by it, too.

Why? They key moment of this game was Georgia's drive immediately following Byrum's field goal to put Auburn up 20-17. It's easy to forget, but Auburn had every drop of momentum at that point, on both sides of the ball. To borrow SMQ's summary, "Georgia went through a ten-minute, four possession stretch in the second and third quarters in which it collectively went backwards, -4 yards on 14 plays, and failed to gain a first down." Antonio Coleman then started the next possession by tackling Moreno for a three-yard loss. And Stafford threw incomplete on second and the Dawgs had an ineligible receiver downfield. This is most likely 3rd-and-13, or possibly 2nd-and-even-longer.

Except, of course, for the halfhearted shove near the sideline and subsequent roughing the passer call against Sen'Derrick Marks (though it may have been Pat Sims ... I deleted the recording off my DVR the instant the game was finished for what I believe to be understandable reasons, and the official PBP is no help) every bit as sketchy, ticky-tack, effeminate, whatever, as the ones against Georgia. Say this for the refs: they were consistent. (Of course, that's the only positive thing I can say regarding these calls, which belong squarely in the "QBs = Ratings!" world of the NFL and nowhere else.)

So the Dawgs faced 2nd-and-13 after the offsetting penalties rather than 3rd-and-13. On the next snap Sean Bailey beat man coverage, Stafford found him for a 45-yard gain, and it was nothing but Dawg touchdowns and the Soulja Boy from there.

Now, the way that game went, it's certainly appropriate to have expected Georgia to convert 3rd-and-13 as easily as they converted 2nd-and-13 ... but then again, maybe Auburn's not in man, maybe they force that punt, maybe this winds up a completely different game. Probably not, of course, but maybe. My point is simply that Bailey's catch was the play on which the direction of the game turned, and that catch was set up in part by the same type of officiating decision that I'm sure Georgia fans were cursing to high heaven just moments before. Just think that ought to be taken into account, is all.

--Funny how two reporters can come out of the same press conference with such violently different reactions. Jay G. Tate comes away from Tubby's Sunday presser claiming Tubby "didn't address the A&M situation despite a very blunt and direct question"; Phillip Marshall instead said Tubby "was vehement again Sunday in insisting that (the A&M situation) wasn't (a distraction)." Tate called the entire thing "weird" and "awkward"; Marshall made no mention of Tubby's demeanor or attitude.

My reaction to Tate's little piece was, well ... maybe this thing has legs after all. I really, honestly, truly still believe and always have that Tubby will still be on Auburn's sideline next year. I still very much want him to be there. But Marshall is so close to the program (and always has been, which is fine, a good thing in many cases) that I trust Tate more than I do him when it comes to giving us details like Tubby's aloofness during a presser. And there's also of course the damning evidence of the Georgia game tape. And then last night even Marshall tells us the landscape has changed. Uh-oh.

Not to criticize or second-guess the whole Tubby hire, but this is a hazard of hiring a coach away from a peer institution; if he's willing to talk to you while coaching another school, he's going to be willing to talk to other schools when he's coaching you, too. I suppose I'm in the same boat with Marshall--still confident it gets worked out, but the tea leaves say nothing's certain any more. 9,000 square feet or not.

--I wholeheartedly agree with Senator Blutarsky when he says any Auburn fans who soiled their knickers or let their monocle slip and cried "Well, I never!" when confronted with those wretchedly uncouth dance-like maneuvers along the Dawg sideline need to lighten the hell up. The way to make Georgia regret pulling a black-jersey gimmick or a celebratory jig on the sideline is to beat their ass for it on the field, not to whine about it between bites of cucumber sandwich after the fact, particularly when our own team has broken out the victory cigars on an opponent's field in the not-so-distant past. Orson's right: strangely enough, it's only those on the wrong end of the scoreboard complaining about about their opponent's "class."

--Lastly, wanted to answer a solid question from Buford in the excellent "Blindsided" comment thread: "Were you really blindsided? Honestly? I think I saw it posted somewhere that about every eight games, we have a blowout loss (loss by more than 17 points). Since the Georgia game last year, it hadn't happened, so we were due. And yes, I understand the sentiment that we all thought we were past that phase."

Yes, and two reasons why: First, there's the whiplash from seeing a three-point lead metamorphose into a 25-point loss in less time than it takes to make dry toast. My neck is still a bit sore. I'm thinking of suing.

Secondly, and more importantly, it's been a long time since Auburn's lost a game like that one by a margin like that one. Yes, Georgia beat us this badly just last year, and so did Arkansas. Going back to 2006 there's the Wisconsin bowl fiasco and a two-TD loss to Reggie Ball, in retrospect, is just as ugly. But in all of those games Auburn was the favorite. In all of those games, Auburn was either at home or on a neutral field. The last time Auburn entered an opponent's stadium as an underdog and left with this kind of beatdown was, drumroll please, the Georgia game back in 2003. It's been three full seasons since Auburn's suffered a result like this, and yes, after the LSU game I was naive enough to think those days were over, or at the very least weren't coming back this particular season. I was wrong. Very, very wrong. And being that wrong ... yeah, I think "blindsided" is still the right word.

SEC Power Poll ballot

1. LSU. After UGA's last couple of outings, Tigers are probably the world's biggest Vol fans outside Knoxville. Then again, how much attention is Miles really paying now that Carr's retirement kitten cat is out of the bag?

2. Georgia. Did what no other SEC team has done since 2003: host Auburn and Tubby, as a favorite, and bludgeon them into meek, 20-point submission. Man, how much would Evil Richt give for a second shot at
the Vols? His new master Mr. Scratch might be willing to listen to offers ...

3. Florida. Seven TDs, yards out the wazoo on the ground and in the air, the ferocity on the road ... as much as I hate the media claiming Tebow can turn water into Gatorade, if I had a Heisman vote, he'd get
it. If this team gets his defensive head on straight next year--and does anyone doubt that's exactly what will happen with Strong and Meyer around--they're the team to beat, the pups at UGA and (rank homerism alert!) cubs at Auburn notwithstanding.

4. Tennessee. So much for that prediction the Hogs were going to run over them. Have to wonder if the fact that everybody and their brother made the same prediction had anything to do with their performance. Then again, maybe they're just better than I'm giving them credit for: I mean, they do have Ainge, and Foster's not a complete waste and Cutcliffe and Chavis mostly know what they're doing ... still, I think all three teams above them crush them if they play today.

5. Kentucky. How far can one overtime victory take a team? A pretty good ways, as it turns out, since Arkansas's final collapse means the LSU victory is the only thing really of note on the 'Cats resume as of
now (and the only thing keeping them ahead of the next team on this list, who beat them). Game against Georgia is obvious chance to change that and I do wonder if they're due for another "Oh yeah, they do have an All-American at QB, don't they" performance.

6. Mississippi St. Yep, Miss. St.has had the sixth-best season-to-date in the SEC. If they beat Ole Miss--just Ole Miss--they will guarantee a finish better (via tiebreaker) than whichever Alabama school loses
the Iron Bowl and almost certainly the team with the best backfield in America. Astounding. Do not ask for whom Croom's voice tolls, SEC fat cats; it tolls for thee.

7. Auburn. It's a dire situation indeed when even Alabama's second straight loss to the Bulldogs can give us neither joy nor trash-talk ammunition. (Now I really wish the Tigers had beaten Miss. St.)
Here's hoping there's one more hill, one more high, for Auburn to crest over before this year's roller coaster train pulls into the bowl station. The good news is that no one's been better in recovery situations like these than Tubby; the bad news is that no one's been better in the situation (road underdog) the Tigers were in last week than Tubby, either, and look how that ended.

8. Alabama. Wilson vs. Cox in the Iron Bowl is the quarterbacking equivalent of a dance-off between sixth-graders on Red Bull smitten with the same girl: no one's going to fault the energy, enthusiasm, willingness, commitment, etc., but boy, no one's going to tune in for composure or technique, either. For all the horrible (and justified) things said about Shula, there's little question he did a much better job getting Wilson ready to play than the current staff has.

9. Arkansas. Whatever you think of Nutt or the Hogs, we can all agree it's a damn shame the college career of a once-in-forever talent like McFadden is going to end in a beatdown against LSU and the
Independence Bowl ... if the Hogs are fortunate enough to even get past MSU.

10. South Carolina. One more year for Spurrier to prove he didn't lose
it all when he left the Gators. Because it's safe to say this year didn't do much for him. (As an aside, how on earth did this defense ever hold Georgia to 12 points? I mean, I know Jasper Brinkley was a great player and the team MVP and the eternal, undying soul of the Gamecock defense and everything, but still.)

11. Vanderbilt. Hmm, that upset of the 'Cocks looks just a wee bit less impressive these days, and there's nothing really else for them to hang their hat on. Does that mean the 'Dores are now due for their one Big Fat Upset of the year or that the potential for said upset was never really there to begin with? Two weeks to find out. But I wouldn't feel too confident if I was Tennessee (then again, I told Tennessee they'd lose to Arkansas, so never mind me.)

12. Ole Miss. Jevan Snead, your white horse is ready. Paging Mr. Snead, your white horse is ready.

Blindsided

What ... the hell?



I don't even know how I'm supposed to react to a loss like that. Auburn claws back from 17-3 down, we're up 20-17 and have the Dawgs in second-and-long deep in their own territory, and in what seems like the blink of an eye it's yet another outright embarrassment to add to Tubby's annually-increasing stockpile of them.

It all happened so fast, even after sleeping on it, I'm left to wonder what the appropriate response is. I figure my choices are:

1) Orson-style unholy stream of profanity. (Seriously, don't click there unless you are over the age of 18 and un-offended by pornographic references to Wilford Brimley.)

2) Joining the Wolverine fans a few blocks over in downing buckets o' alcohol.



3) Zen-like acceptance of Georgia's sudden buzzsaw-like properties, a toss of the hands in the air, a quick "Well, what can you do?" and a 23rd review of the 'Bama highlights with an eye towards two weeks from now.

4) Uncontrolled sobbing.

5) Cold and calculated heads-"will almost certainly"-roll rage.

I think in the end I'm going with 6) All of the Above. I'll give Georgia credit: they dominated our purported impregnable-or-just-short defense, particularly up front. Their running back is the second coming of Cadillac, at the minimum. Their quarterback throws a perfectly-thrown bomb for each of his occasional bubbleheaded mistakes. If there's any slightest glimmer of a silver lining from this abomination, it's that it came at the hands of a very good team.

But Auburn's beaten (or at the very least challenged) oodles of very good teams--and very good Georgia teams--over the course of Tubby's tenure. A performance like Saturday's over the final 25 minutes is flat unacceptable and it's even less acceptable--into, like, the negative realms of accpetability--given that the exact same thing happened in this game last season.

What specifically fell below the level of acceptability yesterday? Oh, so many things:

--Evil Brandon was back and as lethal as ever. I was deeply troubled when that very first pass was a solid yard behind an intended receiver who was well-covered to begin with; when Cox threw a gentle, friendly, "Please pick me! I'm ever so tempting!" 3rd-and-9 lob squarely off his back foot into the middle of the field on the second-quarter touchdown drive (that it happened to fall into the arms of Billings was 100% pure USDA-approved luck) I knew Auburn would need the sort of miracles it took to get the Tigers into OT vs. USF. Such miracles don't happen twice in a season.

--Four consecutive second-half drives for Georgia went thusly: 4 plays, 68 yards, touchdown; 6 plays, 48 yards, touchdown; 3 plays, 65 yards, touchdown; 9 plays, 59 yards, touchdown. 10.9 yards (10.9 yards!) a play over that stretch. Ye gods. Georgia also finished 8-of-13 on third down conversions, half of them 7 yards or longer, and converted on 2nd-and-18 and 2nd-and-11 as well. How on earth was this the same defense we saw against USF, Arkansas, Ole Miss, etc.? How?

--Three sacks and another half-dozen hurries, average 2.4 yards-per-rush against the same defense that Troy torched the week before. 216 total yards. 216! 216! Unbelievable (and quite fortunate) Auburn even got 20 on the board. 18 first downs, sure, but Auburn couldn't have provided a better small-play visual counterpoint to Georgia's big-play success if they'd tried. Auburn's longest play from scrimmage covered 17 yards; Georgia has seven plays longer than that. A miserable offensive performance.

--The lack of big play ability was shared by the Auburn defenders. One sack, the one pick, a fumble recovery long after the game had been decided. The style of buttoned-down offense Auburn runs means that the defense and special teams (irrelevant at best again, Byrum excluded) must provide the big plays. Didn't happen. Not for the first time this year, I might add.

--As Jay pointed out, there was not even a fraction of Georgia's fire on the opposite sideline. Pulling a Blackout stunt the day Auburn comes into Athens should have been reason for our team to react with bile and spittle and rage. Instead they reacted with a shrug of the shoulders and tackled Moreno six yards downfield again.

The bottom line is that this cannot, cannot, cannot go on. I say "go on" because this is two years now that our offense has flopped and thrashed its way about the field and only occasionally falling into scores; two years now our defense has looked like the '86 Bears one week and the Bad News Bears (um, the football kind) the next. The progress of 2004 and 2005--when this same quarterback led our offense to 506 yards and our defense ravaged a good team for 11 sacks a week later--is over. The 33-5 run is over. Oh, there was hope in the games at Florida and LSU, but after Saturday, it's safe to say Auburn is back to 2003 and the previous roller coaster years until further notice.

That notice will not come two weeks from now, but a) it could be a step in the right direction, I suppose b) who cares. It's the Iron Bowl. Alabama. Saban. The Tide.

This is the good news for Auburn. They will have two weeks to salvage the season, to make it something other than a terrific win over Florida, the promise of which went unfulfilled, and six other empty victories. With a win over the Tide, 2007 won't exactly be a smashing success, but it will at least be something of value, the kind of season that perhaps one day we look back on as a necessarily cruel stepping stone to better things. And the season, of course, Auburn beat the Tide for a sixth straight year, something worth celebrating a whole off-season all by itself.

Such is the importance of the Iron Bowl that not only do I feel unsure of the proper reaction to the Georgia loss, I feel that reaction isn't even complete. Prelude to the most painful loss of Tubby's tenure? Or maddeningly difficult one-off in a season-ending surge? We don't know. And I feel the same about Tubby, his coaching staff, Cox, Groves and the other defensive seniors: we don't know. The most important part of the story is yet to be written.

We'll find out in two weeks. They promise to be the longest two weeks this football program has endured since ... you know, I'm not sure of that either.

War Eagle

Interesting assessment of "What's at Stake" between the hedges today from SMQ in this week's edition of Friday Morning Quarterback:

"Georgia, just a Tennessee stumble away from a clear sprint to the BCS, has more to lose than Auburn, whose hopes of winning the West hinge not only on the Tigers beating UGA and Alabama, but also on LSU losing to Ole Miss and Arkansas, i.e. it’s essentially a pride game for the Tigers. Not that there’s anything wrong with that."

Not exactly. As has been pointed out elsewhere, a win today keeps Auburn in line for the unlikeliest Sugar Bowl berth of our lifetimes, a prize that would be so sweet in the aftermath of a season like this one I haven't dared speak its name here, particularly since it's a complete lost cause with a loss today. Thinking about scenarios like that one aren't just getting ahead of ourselves, it's splittling in two, traveling and standing on eiher side of the International Date Line, and yelling at the you on the other side of it "Suck it, Yesterday!" (Or something.) But it's out there nonetheless.

More important, though, is the Pride--capital P--that SMQ undersells. It's more important than the Sugar Bowl. It's more important than an SEC title. It's more important, really, than a national championship. Before all else comes Pride, that simple desire, need, compulsion or whatever synonym you prefer to win today, not for trophies or rankings or the congratulatory smile on Monday from the redhead two rows over in Organic Gardening, but because it's a game and the point is to play hard and win. The best teams, I fully believe, start with Pride and Pride alone and let everything else come as a distant second.

And as an Auburn fan, in no two games is this any truer--hell, let's be honest, it might be the only two here at the JCCW in which it's any true at all--than the two that Auburn will play today and two weeks from today. Given that the Sugar Bowl remains a sugar-plum dream for now, maybe all that is on the line is Pride.

But this week, that's more than enough. This is the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry. It means something that has nothing to do with tomorrow, next week, next year. It means winning over our rivals today. It means we want it, and we want it badly. Go Auburn. Beat Georgia.

War Eagle.

Georgia

What kind of rivalry is this?



That kind of rivalry. "J**n V****n as redeemed hero" rivalry. The same guy who threw the dagger that helped said redemption returning the next year to play the worst game in the history of the forward pass kind of rivalry. Dameyune Craig playing the world's first successful game of 1-on-11 kind of rivalry. 4th-and-15 from the 17 before you get slugged in the stomach and your insides go dead kind of rivalry.

The phrase "throw out the records" gets, well, thrown out a lot more than it should. As a rule the records of the two teams headed into the Iron Bowl are a decently reliable (if obviously not ironclad) predictor. But the Deep South's Oldest and Probably Coolest Rivalry has been won by the higher-ranked team just four times in the last 11, as pointed out by Get the Picture this week, and as various birds in the Auburn-to-Athens corridor could tell you by now, by the home team just three times in the last 15. This is the kind of rivalry where a) Auburn is on the road and b) the opponent is ranked in the top 10, and I don't just feel like those facts might give Auburn a better shot; I know, in my bones, it gives Auburn a better shot.

So, yeah, I can cop to being at least a little bit confident about this game. But as as strong as the historical precedents might be, there's still the actual teams to deal with, and there are several things about this Georgia team that Auburn will have to deal with in a much more practical fashion than the Dawgs will use in battling inexplicable streaks:

1. Knowshon Moreno. One of these years, Mark Richt will realize that giving the lion's share of carries to their most talented back rather than spreading it around to one really talented back and two okey-dokey guys is probably the way to go. Unfortunately, the cruel/benevolent hand of fate did Richt's work for him in removing Moreno's competition for carries, and now he's getting Herschel comparisons left and right. The sad thing is, in terms of effectiveness, I'm not sure they're even that outlandish.

2. Matt Stafford. Sure, Stafford's struggled at times. But he's got the talent. It's not possible to look more like the Platonic ideal of quarterback than Matt Stafford. And most worryingly the last guy who had struggled at times but still possessed Stafford's kind of arm lit Auburn up for a 22-35 for 319 line.

3.They don't turn the ball over. It would be nice if Auburn could get a couple of short fields to work with a la so much of 2006, but as Hey Jenny Slater pointed out in an excellent pre-game breakdown, no one in America has turned the ball over less than Georgia. Curses.

Apparently their supposedly young and sucky offensive line hasn't sucked all that much, either, much like another supposedly young and sucky line (and like one coached by a grad of the school on the opposite sideline Saturday.) Here's the thing, though: All of those positives are on the offensive side of the ball.

The Dawgs just got finished giving up 34 points to a decent but hardly earth-shattering Troy team. Florida scored 30 but more importantly averaged six yards a play, hardly the stuff of a dominant defense. And of course Tennessee ground them into so much dust in the wind. Bottom line: this is not what we could call a "good" defense. If Auburn comes out and executes the way they did against Florida or vs. LSU for the first half, points are going to be scored and the ball is not going to find its way back to Georgia hands with any kind of quickness.

The same is likely also true when Georgia has the ball. But they of course will have to tangle with a defense that (finally!) has Aairon Savage back, has Tray Blackmon 100 percent, has ... well, everything but Craig Stevens, basically. And had a de facto off week last week. If I was a Georgia fan, I'd be worried: not only do all the historical precedents point towards Auburn, but I'd argue the Tigers are better at this point of the season on paper. There's not much difference in quality, if any, between the Dawg offense and the Tiger D; but I think the Tiger offense, particularly if Cox continues his post-benching form, has a fairly clear leg up on the Dawg D.

All of which, of course, makes me sort of worried when I think about it this long. Ever since the LSU loss, I think Auburn fans have consoled themselves with the idea of finishing 9-3. 9-3! That's a heck of a record with this team, that is. And with a win over 'Bama to boot, why, that's not a bad season at all. Might even get a team to the Sugar Bowl, even! And all it takes is a win in Athens--never been a problem--and then over the Tide at home. Not easy, but damn doable. Just holding serve, right?

Right. But Auburn's never been one for holding serve, have they? 9-3 would be great, but how much more likely is it, really, than 7-5? Not more enough for comfort. Not more enough that Auburn's worst-case scenario doesn't remain a hideous crash to Earth through the Amen Corner, a bowl loss, and an entire off-season of discontent the disgruntled factions say Auburn would have been better off if Tubby had bolted while the rest of us yell at them to go root for 'Bama if they hate their team so much. Not fun, no.

The good news? On the balance of history, and perhaps even the balance of talent, Auburn wins. Crisis averted. The bad news? This is Auburn-Georgia. This is the rivalry of Ben Leard throwing for 793 yards and 12 TDs in a half, of Terry Bowden's magic carpet ride unraveling, of Mark Richt's brain stepping out just long enough for the Dawgs to run into the goal line with 10 seconds left, of Hail Marys into overtime and sprinklers unloosed and 111 years being divided by 20 points.

Wait a minute. Maybe that, too, is the good news.

Google Image says Tubby's not going anywhere

Obviously we're at the stage now where sticking our fingers in our ears and going "CAN'T HEAR YOU AGGIES, CAN'T HEAR YOU, LA LA LA LA" isn't going to change the fact that Texas A&M has the hots for our coach the way Lorraine Banes had it for "Calvin Klein." (Weirdest not-so-subtle incest subplot in a mainstream blockbuster ever: Leia making out with Luke or Banes making out with their future son? I can't decide. Discuss.) Once it gets to the point that the Aggies are whispering to all their BFFs they've got a lock of Tubby's hair over there, on their hope chest, it's time to take it seriously as an issue.

But you'll be able to knock me over with a feather made of spiderweb if Tubby actually bolts. Why? Have you forgotten about the 9,000 square-foot house?!? We're talking 9,000 f'ing square feet!


9,000 square feet!


9,000 square feet!


9,000 square feet!


9,000 square feet!


9,000 square feet!

All right, so that last one has nothing to do with Tubby's house, but it popped up in the image search and was too good not to include. The point is that it would be great, sure, if Tubby said "You know what, I'm not going to bluff or toy with anyone, I don't want the fans to worry, so I promise you: I'm not going to A&M or LSU or anywhere" rather than angling for another wheelbarrow-ful of cash to toss on top of the pile in the new basement ... but I'd also like scantily-clas fairies to fly in my windows bearing cupcakes, gumdrops, bulging bags of money, and perfectly seasoned and grilled filets. In the real world, ain't neither one happening.

So we'll just have to deal with Tubby saying "I'm not talking about it" and "Let's just shift the focus onto something else, shall we?" and other issuing various other non-denials until Jacobs can break out the checkbook and make everyone happy again. It won't be fun or easy, exactly, but it's what's going to happen, because, hey, we're talking 9,000 reasons Tubby's got to stay put.

p.s. Not surprisingly, Auburn fans are bucking the "Fire Coach X" trend with a new brand of website, the "Hey, we like out guy and think he deserves to become even more filthy rich" site or the "Seriously, we don't want to have to hire Petrino all over again, OMH so awkward" site. Given that this is the same coach who lost back-to-back home games to unranked (currently) teams earlier this season, the dedication o nthe part of Auburn fans is admirable, I would say.

p.s.s. Georgia-related content on its way most likely sometime late this evening.

SEC Power poll ballot

With extra snark this week.

1. LSU. Being one of the, oh, 12 people who think Miles's throw to the end zone against Auburn was a good idea, up until last Saturday I'd have said Miles was doing a terrific job this season. Of course, then last Saturday LSU played like the whole team had spent the week on the riverboat casino with Perriloux and Miles was outcoached by King Crimson by a factor of about 10 gazillion. Now? He's not quite as lucky as he's being made out to be in some quarters, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was keeping a rabbit's foot or two under that giant hat.

2. Georgia. If you think this is merely a transparent ploy to keep those few football gods who read second-rate blogs (and reward humility, like all just gods) on Auburn's side ahead of this week's meeting in Athens, I don't know what you're talking about. And besides, between the beatdown of the Gators and the road win at Alabama, the Dawgs' top two SEC wins stand up to anyone else's.

3. Auburn. Choke-hold on the Hogs' once-again OMG SO RIDICULOUS ground game looking better by the week. Loss to USF looking worse by the week. Somewhere in-between is the Florida win and the Miss. St. loss. Add it all up with a dash of "Hey, they did to LSU on the road what 'Bama did at home and with Flynn busy channeling the spirit of 1986 Super Bowl Phil Simms as opposed to 2000 Super Bowl Kerry Collins" and you get third, I guess.

4. Alabama. Javier Arenas may be the most underrated player in the SEC. He scares the living daylights out of me. In fact, I didn't even realize I had living daylights until that punt return against LSU, after which I seized up and coughed a couple of times, and there they were. So thanks for that, Javier. May my Tigers kick the ball so far away from you you'll have to dial 1 and the area code to speak to it. (P.S. Bama fans wanting to gripe about the officiating: Your team got outgained 2 to 1 and just two games ago the replay booth saved their fortunate asses. There's no leg to stand on here.)

5. Florida. Three losses are to the top three teams on this list and murderized a poor Vandy team that had started to look frisky again. SEC East standings sort of skewed by the fact Gators had to travel to Baton Rouge whilst Vols went to Starkville and the Dawgs to T-Town. Plus Tebow and Harvin are still basically demigods.

6. Arkansas. As if a team commandeered by Houston Nutt, the post-nuclear-holocaust cockroach of SEC coaches, was ever going to go gently into that good night. Having not one but two USDA-certified prime freaks in the backfield doesn't hurt, either. The guess here--as implied by their ranking a spot ahead of the Vols--is that they win in Knoxville this week.

7. Tennessee. Sorry, but one very good performance against Georgia--even if it gets you into the driver's seat in your division--does not a season make. Of the four other teams with a pulse the Vols have played, three blew them out of the water and the fourth totally pwned them on the stat sheet before collapsing into a blubbering heap the following week. Wonder if this isn't the worst-case scenario for Fat Phil: articificially inflated SEC title hopes that crash-and-burn in "sudden" fashion aren't the best way to win back a tenuous fan "base." Of course, I could be way, way off. We'll see against the Hogs.

8. Kentucky. Now the undisputed holder of the game's two longest losing streaks to a single opponent, making Wildcat fans probably the only set of supporters in the country outside of South Bend who weren't overjoyed when Navy took down the Irish. And if it doesn't happen this year against the Vols, when will it?

9. Mississippi St. Consider me genuinely worried about the Bulldogs finding that sixth win down the stretch and getting shut out of the postseason thanks to the rampant glut of BCS bowl-eligible teams and the expected handful of 7-5 MAC and/or Sun Belt teams. They'd better win two more to be safe or it could be a real, real shame for Sylvester Croom.

10. Vanderbilt. Consider me genuinely worried about the 'Dores finding that sixth win down the stretch and getting shut out of the postseason thanks to the rampant glut of BCS bowl-eligible teams and the expected handful of 7-5 MAC and/or Sun Belt teams. They'd better win two more to be safe or it could be a real, real shame for Bobby Johnson.

11. South Carolina. Think of all the incredible running backs the SEC has seen in the last 20 years: Herschel Walker. Bo Jackson. Emmitt Smith. Markeith Cooper. (Wait ... scratch that last one.) Now, think of all the hopeless patsies they played: the Southwestern Louisianas, the Northeastern Louisianas, the Louisiana Techs, etc. And yet it was this year's Gamecocks who not only allowed an all-time SEC record-tying performance, but allowed a different second runner to go for 166 yards on top of that! The mind absolutely boggles.

12. Ole Miss. Winning a tight game over the Northwestern St. "We're not Northwestern" Demons is perfectly excusable in basketball. In football, not so much. The gap between 11 and 12 in this list is probably wider than between any two other teams you'd care to name.

The gleaning

Because if there's any opponent against which a pick-six deserves to be celebrated via ridiculous dance, it's Tennessee Tech.

There's nothing substantial or nourishing to take away from a meaningless pre-season exhibition ... wait, sorry, that's what basketball teams do at this time of year. (Grand Valley, AUM raises their glasses and says "Nice job.") What I mean is that there's nothing substantial or nourishing to take away from a meaningless in-season virtual exhibition. We should be clear about that. The score means nothing, the usual key stats (total offense, etc.) mean nothing, the attendance numbers mean less than nothing (I wasn't there--no, I didn't decide to drive down from Michigan for the Tennessee Tech game, strangely enough--but if 85,754 people actually came through the turnstiles to watch that game, my name is Reprobatus Bibbs).

But there are tidbits to be had if you comb through the box score with a comb, um, fine-toothed enough. Not enough to make a "Here's how Auburn's going to do in the Amen Corner" meal out of, sure, but maybe a light Sunday afternoon snack.

So, by the numbers ...

The punting might be back. Shoemaker launched four for 208 yards, 52 a pop. Tatum's one attempt went for 61, meaning Auburn averaged 53.8 yards a punt for the game and three of the five were down inside the 20. Not bad. As this is one of the very few elements of the game where the quality of opponent theoretically makes no difference, it should be fair to assume Good Old Shoe is back to his early-season form. (Then again, as punting is also nearly all mental and Tennessee Tech means no pressure whatsoever while playing against, to pick an example completely at random, Alabama provides more pressure than either freshman will have experienced before, this might also prove to be a fluke).

Burns should have thrown the ball more this season, period. I know I've been hammering the Burns issue this season, but when the coaches have made any opportunity for him to actually, you know, play quarterback as opposed to playing Tim Tebow dress-up an occasion for him to get the nervous shakes--even against Tennessee freaking Tech--it means there should have been more opportunities. I know perhaps the more logical argument is that going 0-4 is proof Burns in fact shouldn't have been putting the ball in the air against non-Watson Brown-coached teams, but he's got way, way too much talent to offer up what he called a "terrible" performance against the likes of Tech. Where's the guy who tore up fall camp? Not sure, but my guess is at this point we won't see him until next fall.

Ben Tate probably isn't about to reclaim the starting job. It's assuredly not worth making any vast, "Well so much for him"-style pronouncements, but 35 yards on 14 carries and a 2.5 per-carry average against Tech just isn't exactly impressive, even allowing for a sleepwalking and/or second-string offensive line. Take away one 13-yard dash, and you're looking at 23 yards on 13 carries. This is pure fluke, isn't it, Ben? Please tell us it is.

Tommy Trott and Cole Bennett are physically impressive decoys and nothing more in the passing game. After another reception-less game for Bennett and a single catch for Trott vs. two more for McKenzie, it's pretty clear McKenzie is the go-to tight end when Borges wants to go airborne. Not that any of them are about to suddenly become Auburn's answer to Jason Witten, but McKenzie now has nearly twice as many receptions (13) and Trott and Bennett combined (7). I'm a bit surprised by this and by the fact the TEs have gotten so little attention in general, given the rampant dropsies that have plagued the WRs, but I wouldn't say I care. Trott's proven himself a less-than-reliable option and if Borges' calls tell us McKenzie is that far ahead of Bennett as a receiver at this point, we don't have any reason I can see to doubt him. It's just one of those "Well, huh, who would have guessed" kind of things.

The kickoff units have to get better. Another 67-yard return given up. If the Tech guy could do that, no wonder Tubby didn't want to kick to Trindon Holliday. The inconsistency of the kickoff guys doesn't help, of course. Morgan Hull got his shot and followed up one deep kick to the TTU 3 with one (that I assume was also deep, someone correct me if I'm wrong) to the TTU 21.

And ... that's about the extent of it. The scrimmages and workouts and full-speed practices and games that even Phillip Marshall whines about having to stay to the end of are mercifully behind us. It's time to turn the Amen Corner and after the last two not-on-TV barely-worth-listening-to games, I couldn't be more ready. Let's hope the Tigers are, too. Too bad they couldn't have played a game that would have told us at little more about if they were or not.

Thought you might want a visual representation of what going through the Tennessee Tech box score was like.

The Works, revisionist history-style

No, we're not real happy, either.

One result of one's college football team playing Tennessee friggin' Tech (has anyone raised the possibility this is some sort of weird favor to Jeff Lebo?) is that it's not easy to come up with blogging material about that week's actual, you know, game. After Hey, did you know they're coached by Watson Brown? there's not much to say. Actually, I think the Lebo thing is about the extent of my Tech-related material. And that's frankly the way it should be; I feel it's my duty as a blogger to not dignify a "game" that's barely more significant than the hoops team's exhibition win yesterday over What Boise St.'s Famous For College (see, their real name is Bluefield, so, like, LOLZ!) that Auburn will nonetheless merrily charge full price for. Blecch. I don't think it's a coincidence that Jay, TWER, and myself have all been a little less, uh, prolific than we would normally be.

But there's always other topics. Like for instance, the guy who's picture is at the top of this post. Lots of Auburn fans have been pleading, pleading, to see this first precious year of Burns's eligibility not get flushed down the toilet on one (or less) quarterback draw a game so predictable various earthworms, house flies, centipedes, and Dennis Franchione see him enter the game and go "Well, gee, are they going to run a quarterback draw here? I'll be so shocked if they do." The Mobile Register nicely sums up Burns's efforts since NMSU in the first line of this article: Run right. Run left. Repeat.

But the piece makes a couple of points worth repeating, the first being that when people start throwing the same "Eh, just a running QB" accusations they tossed at Tebow this preseason at Burns in preseason 2008, remember that Burns aired it out on a regular basis in high school--just as (here we go again) Tebow did before Meyer turned him into a kind of alternate-universe Owen Schmitt.

Also, there's this quote from Tubby:

"A lot of people would say, 'Why did you play him?' But if you look six weeks ago, you know the reason why."

Yep. As desperately as I wanted to see Burns redshirt, Evil Brandon forced Tubby's hand. There was no sane way he could stay on the field after the USF game and the start of the Miss. St. game. And with Blake Field apparently going to see the field never under any circumstances and Neil Caudle hurt, Burns was the only option.

Which is why, when it's the final game of the 2010 season and Burns has played his final game for the orange-and-blue, I think the history books will record that the single biggest injury, suspension, off-the-field-that-went-awry for Auburn in 2007 was the shoulder knock to Caudle. With Caudle around and healthy, I wager Auburn's coaches give him a look, he does well enough to give Cox the necessary time on the bench (really, relatively solid as he was, was Burns so much better than, well, any decent QB recruit would have been?), and Burns is back for 2011. Maybe I'm wrong. But if Burns develops the way we all (the earthworms included) expect him to, I bet I'm not.

A surprising surplus is still a surplus. Jay G. Tate had some cool stuff this week on Groves's sorta-ballyhooed move to linebacker (which sorta basically amounts to him standing up rather than getting down into a stance) but also writes:

"LB Merrill Johnson is either hurt or in the doghouse. Johnson was a starter to begin the season, but coaches don't seem enthusiastic about getting him back on the field. Tuberville said the other day that Johnson is 100% healthy. Draw your own conclusions."

OK. My conclusion is this: you only get three starting linebackers. When Blackmon is healthy, that's one. Chris Evans has established himself as an unshakable No. 2. Tate doesn't seem high on Craig Stevens, but the defense's outing against Arkansas--the most impressive of the season--was fueled in part by Stevens's five solo tackles, behind only Blackmon. He wasn't exactly a force vs. LSU or Ole Miss, and it doesn't fully explain why Johnson didn't get a single play at LB vs. the Rebels, but the prevalence of the nickel means that an LB rotation doesn't have to be too deep and I'm not sure Stevens had played so badly to get benched just because Johnson was healthy again. Auburn has, essentially, four starting-quality linebackers and three spots. The hunch here is that Johnson plays himself back into the rotation this week.

Separated at birth. Couple of interesting pieces in the Plainsman recently, one of which must be read simply for the use of the adjective "pecuniary" (as well as a fascinating definition of "self-medication") and the other for the helpful information that "not just that the government did it and the Raptor Center did it" when it comes to the bald eagle finally getting off the endangered species list. (It wasn't just Auburn's Raptor Center acting alone? Are we sure?)

But honestly? I bring it up because Alabama Gov. Bob Riley was on hand for the eagle thing, and I have to point out the similarity between Riley:



and this Sullustan pilot from Star Wars (a relative of Nien Nunb, no doubt):



Uncanny! Big tip of the hat to my buddy Adam on this one.

Points of interest elsewhere. Have to say I'm a little surprised so, so many bloggers, pundits, fans, etc. are back on the Ohio St. Kool-Aid. Weren't all these exact same things being said about the Buckeyes last year? Weren't they all proven to be about the most misguided theory since spontaneous generation? Fool me once ...

Could not agree more with SMQ on Hawaii and I fully believe the Blogpoll at least keeping them down in the poll's nether regions rather than in--God help us all--BCS bowl-clinching position is proof all by its freaking lonesome it should replace the Harris Poll yesterday.

Lastly, I understand there's a game of some consequence going on in T-Town this weekend. I'm going to thoroughly enjoy watching said game because from the Auburn fan's perspective, this is your classic win-win situation: LSU wins, great, the SEC's still in the national title hunt and more importantly Alabama loses; Alabama wins, great, Auburn's still got an outside shot at Atlanta (Arkansas would have to beat LSU, decidedly not as unlikely as it looked before the Hogs obliterated the Rebs in Oxford and exactly the sort of insane thing Nutt would manage to do) and Alabama might come into J-Hare with the calm, casual feeling they've already gotten the important win out of the way. That'd be nice.

On another level, this game has made us all winners already, because a new (cougar-enhanced!) cover got added to the Bocephus Album Cover Worry Index.

Yes, that is Bjork chilling in J-Hare.



Bjork! The full story behind the pic's been up at the War Eagle Reader for more than a week, but I'll be damned if I let a post like that one go un-linked.

Not Surprise

"Well there's a big surprise! I thought I was going to have a have a heart attack and die, from Not Surprise!"
--Iago, Aladdin

I really wish bookies would take prop bets on things on useless, intangible stuff, because I could have made a killing on the Ole Miss game. Or last year's Ole Miss game. And the Ole Miss game before that. It's the same Ole Miss game, every year.

How? Let us count the ways:

1. Statistical dominance from Auburn but still an inexplicably close game well into the second half? Check. I know, I know, the score's the only statistic that counts, but it's also the only place this was even a remotely competitive game. 420 yards to 193. 22 first downs to 15. 36 minutes of possession time to 23. 5.7 yards a play to 3.7. Exactly one Auburn drive failed to end in Ole Miss territory. This was a 30-3 blowout in "If not for that interception, this was a tie ball game!" clothing.

2. Final score still worth two touchdowns of comfort? Check. Sure, Arkansas obliterated the Rebels, but the Hogs were mad. The Rebels took Florida and 'Bama both to the wire. I'll take our 17-3 snoozer over the Tide's outing against those guys any time. In fact, I won't just take it, I'll even throw in a couple of bucks for the Rebels' trouble. The bottom line is that two-TD SEC wins--especially this year, especially when one's team is playing its ninth straight week without a bye, especially when they're only a week removed from their most physically and emotionally demanding game of the season--do not come as cheap as this one looked. (Or, I'm assuming it looked. I was rocking the Sirius.)

3. Post-game headline and stories geared towards assuring the fans that the somnabulant win is no cause for alarm? Check. Check, check, check.

4. Fans who decide the light drizzle is the sky falling in? Check. What's funny is that I was writing a response to this kind of reaction just about this time last year. After Auburn's closer-than-expected win over, whaddya know, Ole Miss.

Here's the only rub: that performance last year, better than so many Auburn fans gave it credit for, did ... well ... sort of prove to herald a stretch run I think it's fair to call, um, subpar. (The always-sugary 'Bama win notwithstanding, when paired with the embarrassment against Georgia and truly hideous win over Nebraska.) I don't think Saturday's win needs defending. But will it when we've come out the other side of Amen Corner?

I don't think so, for three reasons on display against the Rebels:

1. Evil Brandon (i.e. the guy who started against UGA in 2006) is exorcised, with yet another clutch fourth-quarter TD as my witness.
2. This offensive line is better than last year's and will neither let Good Brandon come to so much psychological harm nor watch the running backs behind them meet tacklers before the line of scrimmage, as was the case so often a year ago (One sack Saturday, 4.8 yards per rush).
3. This defense (the principal point of worry after last year's Ole Miss game, you'll note) will not yield provided they're not in the presence of Matt Flynn channeling the departed spirit of Kurt Warner circa 1999.

So, as stated before, one slightly off Saturday filled with Not Surprise isn't going to worry me. At this point, it's a second straight year of tanking vs. the Dawgs that would be the real surprise.

6. Let us now praise famous men (Forward!)

Sixth and final post in a series.



I started this little rockslide of LSU posts looking at the downside of Auburn's loss, and why I'd summarize the post-game reaction amongst the Auburn faithful as much more "The Kids Are Alright" than, well, my reaction. There was so much at stake in that game--and Auburn came so damn MATT FLYNN NOOOO WE HATES HIM FOREVER close--that, personally, I know good and well I'm going to be cursing the purple-and-gold principals involved for as long as I'm going to curse the MiB-style alien inside J**n V****n's head who spilled Coke all over his control panels in 2005.

But I wouldn't care nearly as much if the Tigers hadn't shown--once and for all, as the saying goes--in their exquisite first half, and then again on that fourth quarter drive stirring enough that this post proved to be entirely appropriate, that they have gone in a few short weeks from a team that had to rally to beat New Mexico St. to one that could beat any team in the nation if the breaks fell right. There is no doubt any more; this is a terrific Auburn team, and my disappointment in the LSU defeat comes not from their performance, but that such a fine performance could still result in defeat. If they weren't this good, the stakes wouldn't have been so high. Only great teams play the kind of great games that wound this deeply, and make no mistake--this was a great, great game.

And here is the gleaming silver lining: We will see this Auburn team play five more games. At least two of them--those terrible, wonderful final two in the Amen Corner--will have similar stakes, and many could (and will) argue that this year's Iron Bowl will have even higher all-in stakes than the LSU game. I'm probably one of those fans myself. A win over 'Bama without an SEC title or an SEC title without win over 'Bama? After this particular season of Saban worship, I'll take the former. (Hat tip here to TWER for both their all-too-accurate label of "fetid" for this column and the single best pun on King Crimson's name yet generated. Somewhere, Rushdie's applauding like mad.)

I have miles and miles to go before I feel confident saying anything definitive about the outcome of the Amen Corner. But I know that this team is going to play hard, play well, and is going to go into the fourth quarter (or as I've come to call it, "Cox Time" .... though I don't call it that out loud, no, for obvious reasons) with a chance to win the game. Barring injury, there are not going to be any 37-15 beatings this year. That, I feel beyond confident about.

It's thanks to these guys:

1. Brandon Cox. 18-28, 199, 2 TD, 0 picks. Against LSU. In Death Valley. Including that ridiculous fourth-quarter drive capped the equally ridiculous all-by-itself throw to Smith, easily the single best throw of Cox's career. I don't know if Evil Brandon is dead just yet, but the doctors are looking worried and any fans of his (Ferguson?) might want to take this opportunity to say their good-byes while they can.

2. Sen'Derrick Marks, Pat Sims, Josh Thompson, Quentin Groves, Antonio Coleman. Those were the two best defensive lines in the country on the field last Saturday or my name is Van.

3. Jason Bosley. Sprained knee, out for two weeks. Oh, except he's actually going to come back and play every snap of those two weeks, on the road against Arkansas and the horrors of LSU's d-line. Why do I get the feeling we could have used more of this sort of stubbornness and determination on last year's offensive line?

4. Jerraud Powers. Forget it, Jerraud. It's Chinatown. Er, Baton Rouge.

5. Brad Lester. After another "He's back" performance (125 total yards on 21 touches) and seeing Tate, well, maybe not display quite Lester's quality of vision on a couple of plays, Auburn's got its No. 1. (Again.)

These are but five, of course, out of many, many, many that fought like Tigers last Saturday. Do I wish the same way I wish Ann Arbor had a Chick-Fil-A (i.e. like hell) that they'd come back with a win from the valley of Death? Yep. But that doesn't mean--particularly given what this team's next two or three seasons already look like--I'd trade them for any other team in America.

War Eagle.

(p.s. Disregard some of this optimism if Auburn loses to Ole Miss today. No Wish List, this week, sorry. I'm wishing for a win, preferably one that doesn't involve injuries or heart palpitations for the fans. After the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride of the past few weeks, I feel like that's all I really want.)